Probably the Most Stalker-Like Post I've Ever Put Up

Are you ready for this?  I hope so, because here are the last 24 hours of Jake Gyllenhaal's life.

24 hours ago: Jake gets fresh with a fan who isn't me.  What the hell, man:

17 hours ago:  I live blog Jake's appearance on The Daily Show.  Recap and video in THIS POST.  (Note - This is the best part of the past 24 hours of Jake's life.)

7 hours ago:  Jake's appearance on Good Morning, America causes stage hands to faint and news anchors to giggle like nervous schoolgirls:


6 hours ago:  Jake ruins everything on Live with Regis and Kelly by accidentally-on-purpose proposing to Kelly's stand-in for the day:


4 hours ago:  Jake is hit full-on by the raybeams of the devil-eyed cherub waiting for him outside of ABC's studios:

3 hours ago:  While eating my lunch, I pause for a moment of silence to give my due props to whatever intern it is who is in charge of captioning Daily Show videos on Facebook:

Currently: I am posting this blog entry. (Note - This is the second-best part of the past 24 hours of Jake's life.)

I am the best Jake reporter on Earth.  Fact.

Read more...

Prophecy Girl Live Blogs Jake on The Daily Show!

Look, it's my two favorite Gyllenhaal men at the L.A. premiere of Source Code!  I am 100% positive that this picture depicts them lamenting the fact that I did not win the ACLU auction which would have granted me access to this event.  Both Jake and Stephen are VERY BIG FANS of mine and I'm sure they were shocked/disappointed to show up and find that I was not in attendance.

It really isn't a party unless I'm there...

But I'm here now, which can only mean one thing:  Daily Show party. 

By the way, this is a direct transcript of the closer from last night's Daily Show:

Jon Stewart:  "That's our show.  Join us tomorrow night at 11:00; Jake Gyllenhaal will be our guest, with his team of.."

Audience Member:  "Awww."

Jon Stewart:  "Really?  Awww?  You just saw...you just saw a guy that in five years is going to have paralyzed people walking down a fucking street, and you're upset...you're upset 'cause you didn't get to see the Prince of Persia?"

Just when I think it is not humanly possible for me to love Jon Stewart more...

And here we go!

10:01 - Jon informs us that we are about to watch a very exciting show!  Jake Gyllenhaal's "future wife" is in the audience and "she's almost of legal age."  Oh, really?  His future wife?  How interesting.  Let's see...do I have any advice for this young lass?  Yes.  Yes, I do.  My advice is:  Stuff it, bitch, and talk to me when you've written a book and spent five years of your life promoting his sorry ass all over the internet, 'kay? 

10:14 - How awesome would it be if we could merge John Hodgman and Jake Gyllenhaal into one formidably hilarious/attractive man-person...OH GOD DID I TYPE THAT OUT LOUD?

10:20 - Source Code ad.  That's timely.

10:21:  Source Code clip.  And it's a new one!  Jake looks very confused.  Probably because of all of the music being pumped into his ears.  (Then again, sometimes his face just looks like that.)

10:22 - Why, it's Jake Gyllenhaal!  What a surprise!

10:22 - Jake buttons, unbuttons, sits down, stands up, sits down.  And with each movement he makes, his voice goes up an octave.  Jon notes this and then Jake begins repeating everything Jon says, word-for-word.  You know, watching it, it didn't seem so bad, but writing it out like that makes Jake seem really damn annoying.

10:22 - "This movie looks very good," says Jon Stewart, with genuine surprise in his voice.

10:23 - Jake claims that he has actually been hosting The Daily Show because he's in the Source Code or something.  I feel like perhaps this level of comedy is too cerebral for the people in the audience who just learned what this movie was about sixteen seconds ago.

10:23 - OH MY GOD, that "future wife" girl is getting pimped out by Jon Stewart. 

10:24 - Apparently, during the pre-show banter with Jon (which Prophecy Girl remembers well from that one time she was in the audience of The Daily Show - see I'm Stalking Jake! The Book for more), this girl asked the question, "Will Jake Gyllenhaal marry me?"

10:24 - Jake says...he'll think about it.  Wait!  What?!  NO!  You say NO to that girl, Jake!  You shoot her down and crush her dreams!  That's the Jake Gyllenhaal way!

10:24 - Jon starts asking Jake a lot of personal questions about his love life and Jake dodges each and every one the way only Jake can.  (This is why people think he's gay.)  (That, and because Ted Casablanca has based the past six years of his career around it.)

10:24 (still) - Because Jon can't let it go, he asks Jake if he's ever fallen in love at first sight.  (Um, obviously not because he's seen me.)  Jake says that he did one time.  The moment he was born.  With his mother.  The audience seems to think that's cute instead of being somewhat weird and uncomfortable.

10:25 - Oh, wait.  Jon Stewart thinks it's somewhat weird and uncomfortable.  "My guess is that's because she let you get to second base."  BAM.

10:25 - More standing and buttoning.  Then they talk some about the water in Jake's coffee mug and I guess a pipe blew in the studio...  Blah, blah...

10:26 - Back to Source Code!  Oh, wait.  No.  Back to Prince of Persia.  My God, the look on Jake's face when he hears that Jon has been playing the video game with his son...it's the look of a man who thinks his movie based on that very video game should not have bombed the way it did.

10:27 - Hey, let's talk about Ubisoft and Montreal like that has anything to do with anything.

10:27 - Back to Source Code!  Oh, wait.  No.  Back to basketball.

10:27 - Earlier today, I thought about writing up a drinking game for this interview, with the only rule being to down an entire beer in one gulp when Jon and Jake started talking about sports.  Had I gone through with it, I would have been chugging right about now.

10:27 - Jake mentions that he was on Conan the other night and called him the "Abraham Lincoln of talk show hosts."  I wrote it down when he said it but, in editing my recap, I didn't really think it was worth including.  In a similar fashion, I'm not sure it's worth including that he calls Jon Stewart the "Spud Webb of talk show hosts," because I don't know who that is.

10:28 - Jon calls Jake the "Jake Gyllenhaal of movies" and that is the best way to end an interview ever.

HOT DAMN.  My shoulder's all cramped up now over all that typing whilst looking over at the television.  It is a hard, hard life that I lead...

As a reminder:  Jake will be on Good Morning, America tomorrow AND Live with Regis and Kelly.  I will not be live blogging those, but I'm probably good for a YouTube video later on (provided these things make it to YouTube)...

ALSO, important announcement for those in the UK:  Please watch The Movie Show tomorrow (Thursday) on ITV2 at 16:10!  And pay very close attention to the pop-ups.  And then come back here and excitedly tell me all about it. :)

The Daily Show - Jake Gyllenhaal
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Read more...

Prophecy Girl Live Blogs Jake on Conan!

This should be extra-exciting because I have yet to watch Conan on his new network/time!  This is what happens when "hip" television personalities are pitted against The Daily Show.  Us youth voters become confused and just start going to bed early...

Hey, here's an unrelated recent picture of Jake looking strapping and masculine because instead of tying his shirt around his waist, like a pansy ass would, he's slung it over his shoulder, like a real man:

AREN'T YOU EXCITED FOR THIS LIVE BLOG?!

Here we go.

10:00 - Oops, I missed the first part because I was watching the tail end of The Soup on E!  Oh, that Joel McHale.  Always good for a giggle.

10:01 - Last of opening credits.  Thank God Jake is actually going to be on.  (Otherwise this blog could get awkward.)

10:07 - A new study finds that women start to feel old at 29.  For men, that age is 58.  As a twenty-nine-year-old female, I am now sad about society.  And I feel old.

10:12 - Conan admits that he never said that this was going to be an amazing show tonight. 

10:13 - "Big star" Jake Gyllenhaal will be on...later!  (In terms of applause enthusiasm, Jake is decidedly third after Randy Jackson and Panic at the Disco.)

10:17 - "Jake Gyllenhaal coming up very soon."  True story, all of the oil leaked out of my car yesterday, so I had to get up super early this morning to take it to the shop and I lost my entire day waiting on repairs and now I'm very tired.  So I'm really glad that Jake is always first on these shows (so I can go to bed, because it's all about me).  I wonder if that's because he requests that or because he's unerringly less famous than the other guests he shares the show with...

Whoa.  Deep thoughts there...

10:30 - It's young Jacob!  (And, as an aside, fuck him for looking so good right now.)

10:31 - Jackie the Stage Manager has told Jake, backstage, that Conan (who - see four time stamps above - has already said this is going to be a substandard show) is not excited at all to interview this Jake Gyllenhaal person.  Conan rebuts by insisting that every time he's ever seen Jake scampering around Hollywood, Jake has been "friendly."

No, wait, Conan amends, friendly "as celebrities go."

No, wait, PG amends from her living room, friendly "to other celebrities as celebrities go."

10:31 - Dude totally name-drops his own sister.  That's the patented Jake Gyllenhaal cue that this interview has officially started.

10:32 - Conan and Jake discuss the infamous beard-smelling incident of 2007, which JESUS was four years ago now and I'm still live blogging this shit.  (No wonder I feel old.)

10:33 - Jake tells a story about going to a restaurant one time and eating next to people with beards who talked like ship captains from the 1800s.  Later in the story, these people will speak with Irish (?) accents.  I'm not sure where this is going, but I cannot look away. 

10:35 - Much as Jake recently told us, through humor, that sometimes people think he's gay, Jake tells us, through humor, that people thought he was depressed when he grew that enormous beard over the summer.  But neither thing was true!  In the case of the beard, he just didn't shave.

10:35 - And sometimes women who don't shave also grow beards.  (WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED WITH THIS STORY I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND.)

10:36 - Commercial break.

10:39 - And we're back!

10:39 - Movie talk.  Source Code is pretty effing sweet according to the two people now on television being paid to promote it.

10:40 - Jake explains that Ang Lee and Duncan Jones are, like, the exact same person, because they're both Asian sons of David Bowie.

10:41 - Jake tells how Duncan Jones used to keep him disoriented on set by putting an earwig in his ear and playing "Send in the Clowns."  Send in the Clowns?  SEND IN THE CLOWNS?!  THAT WAS ONLY THE THEME SONG OF THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW NEVER DIES.  This means that Duncan Jones has read the script and wants to turn it into a movie.

10:41 - Movie clip!  Oh, wait.  Dammit, I've already seen this clip.  I've seen one goddamned clip from this movie and it's this one...

10:43 - Er, I think maybe Jake is kind of giving too much of the story away.  I don't want to know anything!  I want to go and be like, what the hell is this movie I just paid to see????

10:43 - And it's OVER!

Whew!  That live blogging thing is always harder than I think it's going to be when I haven't done it in a while.  We'll try this again in two days with The Daily Show!

Read more...

Jake Talks About His Boyfriend Then Pimps Out Own Mother on National Televsion

But all of that paled in comparison to the most shocking incident on last night's Jimmy Kimmel interview:  a mere two seconds in, Jake Gyllenhaal - Jake Gyllenhaal! - decided to give someone fashion advice. 

Watch the multitudinously divided segment below...

Read more...

While We're on the Subject of Season 8 American Idol Contestants, Here is Your Adam Lambert Post!

Consider this the second in our roughly seven billion part series "Things I Missed During the Prince of Persia Promotional Blitz," with today's installment being "That Time Jake Went on Jonathan Ross's Show the Same Day Adam Lambert Did."  (Which I didn't so much miss as I hadn't started the blog yet when this aired.  I actually think it was very inconsiderate of Jake not to wait until I was ready.) 

Below is Jake's interview, in which he admits he has no friends and then starts frying up an iPad like the crazy millionaire that he is.  (Note to Jake:  I will be your friend if you give me an iPad.)

Also of interest:  He decides not to take his shirt off (losing yet more opportunities for friends), lays down the law when Jonathan comes onto him (add Jonathan Ross to our Celebrity Stalker List), skirts around a drug discussion (though he's not fooling us), gets roped into another drug discussion (which, like the first one, revolves around bedroom performance), and reveals that among his many and varied talents, he's also a dab hand with screws and glue (even if he can't make a simple chair).

And back to the part of this post in which the headline is relevant, wacky hijinks ensue later when Jake and Adam decide to entertain themselves backstage by having a contest to see who can least accurately mimic an American Southern accent:


There are no losers here, boys!

Thanks to Vanessa for the YouTube links!

Read more...

Like a Hedgehog Doing Karate

You are all on notice.  Every last one of you.  I spent this entire day not knowing that I missed out on the best part of Jake's appearance with Jimmy Fallon. And no one told me.  I am so ashamed!  How will I ever find the will to keep going now after this horrible oversight?  I have failed you all, and you have failed me, by not telling me that I was a failure.  *sad face*

Read more...

Prophecy Girl Live-Blogs Jake Gyllenhaal on The Early Show! Plus, Jimmy Fallon!

Before we get started, here's Jake's interview from Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night:

Today's patented "Interview Moment When Jake's Quotes This Blog" comes at the 5:56 mark, when Jake says, "He can say anything and people will take it seriously...  Sometimes he just speaks nonsense..."  And even though he says this about Sir Ben Kingsley, it's hardly a coincidence that this is precisely what I said about Jake a couple of days ago.

And here we go!

UPDATE:  Video's up.


7:50 - The hosts of the show wage war with Jake action figures.  Complete with sound effects!

7:57 - The local news?  Seriously?!

8:02 - And...now we're talking about sunscreen.  Jake, who is "as hot as they get in Hollywod these days," will be on "in a few minutes."

8:11 - Jake's up next!  He's sitting complacently in the studio, but I missed part of that because there was a spider in my shirt and I had to freak out for a minute.

8:13 - It's Jake!  (Or rather, it's Jake being introduced.)

8:14 - Prince of Persia clip, which is a different one this time.  (I think.)

8:15 - The interviewer's name is Maggie as is Jake's sister's.  This must be discussed.

8:16 - Maggie whips out her action figure and...then there's a second action figure...and now the action figures are dancing...

8:16 - "What a huge change of pace!" Maggie says, regarding Jake's complete 180 in movie roles to take on this Prince of Persia thing, and not necessarily her excitement over getting to play with action figures on a news program.  Jake tells us (again) that he really doesn't want us to take him seriously.

8:17 - Jake discusses the horror of being objectified for his "buff abs and arms."

8:17 - Maggie, who came prepared with a newspaper for background reading, quotes Mike Newell, who said that he thought Jake was the "thinking woman's action hero."  Jake responds:  "I would hope every woman is thinking."  (This week, Jake has gone from quoting me, to quoting himself from recent interviews, to now quoting himself from ancient interviews.) 

8:18 - Jake digs on Sex in the City II, and then, because he reads all of my entries, he references my post from last night and calls Prince of Persia "more authentic" though not necessarily more realistic.

8:18 - The banner at the bottom brazenly reads "Pumped-up Prince" while Jake describes his deep, deep fear of ostriches and their pea-sized brains.

8:19 - Jake admits that he played the original Prince of Persia video game, but he disliked it so much that it was 20 years before he was able to bring himself to pick it back up again.

8:19 - Maggie asks Jake about his upcoming stage project, which catches Jake off-guard because he has no upcoming stage project.  He recovers by talking about Love and Other Drugs.

8:20 - Maggie brings out a City Slickers clip in which Young Jake takes off his shirt.  I can't really explain it, but somehow this interview has suddenly gotten really, really awkward.

8:20 - And it's over!

And here endeth the Prince of Persia live-blogs, which makes me kind of sad, though I must give Jake many kudos for being consistently entertaining in that many interviews in a row.  (I'm tired after just watching them all.)  I'll update this entry with the video as soon as I can find it...

Read more...

All the Jake Gyllenhaal Videos You Could Ever Want, Or "Bubble Boy is HUGE In Russia!"

Is there really such thing as too much Jake? Well, yes, in this case, because how are we supposed to digest it all? How are we supposed to take the time necessary to enjoy every moment, every word, every different definition of parkour?!

Here are the highlights from the past 24 hours:

Live with Regis and Kelly, Part 1, Or "Jake Relives His Painful Childhood"

Live with Regis and Kelly, Part 2, Or "Holy Smokes, Look At Jake Gyllenhaal!"

 
Jimmy Kimmel Live, Part 1, Or "Jake Purposefully Ignores Gabourey Sidibe On The Red Carpet"


Jimmy Kimmel Live, Part 2, Or "Uncle Jake's Pancake House Earns A Health Code Violation"


The Hour with George Stroumboulopoulos, Or "Man Is That Peter Sarsgaard Creepy"


(Note:  I originally read The Hour with George Stroumboulopoulos as The Hour with George Stephanopolous, and I got really excited thinking maybe Jake was going to talk about politics.  But no, that was just me being ignorant of Canadian culture.)

(Also note:  At the end of this clip, Jake again brings up his actual dagger that turns back time.  Pretty much everything Jake ever says in any interview I have already written about at an earlier date somewhere on the internet.)

And lastly, thanks to jbhoneebee, here's a good old-fashioned radio interview with Ryan Seacrest, Or "HOLY CRAP JAKE FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGES HIS CIVIL WAR ALBUM." (Starting around the 5:00 mark -- see earlier comment about me reporting on all of Jake's comments before he says them.)

I'M EXHAUSTED NOW from all of this Jake.  I'm going to go lie down and calm my nerves because let's not forget...there's still more to come.

Oh, that we live in an age of such riches!

Read more...

Prophecy Girl Live-Blogs Jake Gyllenhaal on Regis and Kelly!

OH do we have some catching up to do from yesterday, people.

But we'll get to that.  First things first.  Regis and Kelly!  Here we go...

9:01 - From the "action-adventure movie" Prince of Persia, JAKE GYLLENHAAL.  Everyone in the audience today is young and female.

9:04 - They're talking about Dancing with the Stars and Glee.  As if "other things in pop culture" are of any consequence when Jake is right there in the studio.  How can these people even concentrate?!

9:10 - We're still on Dancing with the Stars.

9:18 - Regis flashes us Jake's GQ cover.  Kelly admits, with much melodramatic sighing, that she's very happy with the Prince of Persia movie poster.

9:19 - There's a woman in the audience who wrote a play called Graceland.  Is this a shout-out to me in Memphis?  PROBABLY.

9:24 - Jake Gyllenhaal coming up next...

9:27 - It's Jake!

9:27 - Kelly calls him "very handsome."  Stop underselling him, Kelly!

9:28 - Jake reassures an intense Regis that he tries to be a "good uncle" to his niece, even though he neglects her by never visiting her in Brooklyn.

9:28 - Regis brings up Maggie's Oscar nomination and this is basically the exact same conversation as was had on Letterman...

9:28 - Jake gets weepy reminiscing about his childhood.  Maggie used to torment him by forcing him to lap milk from a bowl while she sang hits from the Broadway musical Cats.  Maggie still treats Jake this way.

9:29 - Commercial already!

9:33 - We're back.

9:33 - Regis laughs heartily at Jake's Prince of Persia costume, because he thinks it's even gayer than Brokeback Mountain.

9:34 - Jake reveals that it was nothing but devout prayer that paved the way for his implausibly overpumped muscles.

9:34 - Jake defines parkour as "free running."  (I will be keeping a running tally of how many different ways he defines this word this week.  We're currently 2 for 2.)

9:35 - 9:36 - Prince of Persia clip...

9:36 - That one minute clip took about a month to film.  'But there's more to the scene!' Jake protests, as if that makes it any less crazy that it took a full month to film one tiny piece of this enormous movie.

9:36 - Regis says "good luck" and that's it.  But not before Kelly totally macks on Jake.

The end!

Read more...

The Completely Superfluous David Letterman Video

I understand if none of you want to watch this, considering that my detailed live-blogging account from last night (now updated with screenshots!) makes watching the real thing completely unnecessary.  But just in case you're totally nuts and have an interest in actually watching Jake give the interview for whatever reason, you can see it below.

Read more...

PG Live-Blogs Jake Gyllenhaal on David Letterman!

Before we begin, I'd like to take a moment to discuss the subject of manners.  I know that not everyone in the world thinks that Jake is the most important person on earth (poor, poor misguided souls though these people may be), but Jake's going to be doing several more interviews over the next few days.  And if he's going to be doing interviews, he's going to be walking around quite a bit.  And if he's going to be walking around, then people are going to be seeing him.

This is the proper response to seeing Jake Gyllenhaal moseying his little three-piece-suited ass down the streets of New York City:

And this is the improper response:

NEVER TRY TO OUTSHINE THE GYLLENHAAL IN A PAPARAZZI PICTURE.  I will have this man fired immediately.

Now, also before we begin, we need to get our Daily Facebook question out of the way, so let's hear from Andy "I'm not afraid to publicly declare my love for Weird Al Yankovic" Roewe:

Oh can I get Gemma's phone number??????????? PLEASE :)

ANSWER:  What kind of insane person would leave a question that wasn't for Jake?!  I'm sorry, Andy, but I don't have time to deal with your crap tonight.

Is it 10:35 Central Standard Time yet?  No?  Dammit.

I'll be back then!

(I'm going to play a drinking game this week and you guys should play along!  I'm going to drink two beers for every interview Jake does this week wearing the shirt he wore on this morning's GMA interview.  That puts me at 4 beers so far.  I figure the live-blogging will be much more entertaining if I'm mildly intoxicated.)

And I'm back.

Hell, let's throw another picture in here.  'Cause why not?

And here we go!

10:35 - Welcome to The Late Show with David Letterman!  Which tonight will be known as The Late Show with David Letterman Who Is Very Lucky Because He Will Be Talking To Jake Gyllenhaal (And Also Dr. Edward B. Overton, Whoever That Is).

10:38 - Jake's competing with the Dalai Lama tonight apparently, in terms of evening entertainment in Manhattan.

10:41 - Am I really going to recap Dave's entire monologue?  Probably not.

10:44 - We see a shot of Jake from the last time he was on Letterman, when it was 2007 and he had a caveman beard.

10:56 - "We'll be right back with Jake Gyllenhaal, everybody."  WELL IT'S ABOUT TIME.

11:00 - It's Jake!

11:00 - Jake looks tiny as he shakes Dave's hand, but mostly because Dave is standing on a platform about six inches above the floor.  Jake then milks the crowd for applause, because he's really into that today.

11:01 - On to the history of the Gyllenhaal family.  Dave asks Jake about being born into his acting career and Jake admits that yes, "I was forced into it like slavery." 

11:02 - Dave tells Jake he doesn't care about his family.

11:02 - Dave tells the same story of meeting Jake's parents from the last time Jake was there, and Jake will have none of that.

11:03 - Jake brings up a fictional Uncle Larry and Dave about dies of laughter.

11:04 - Stephen!  Every time Jake goes on Letterman, Stephen somehow gets thrown into the mix.  We're all of 4 minutes in and the tradition continues.  (I think Dave might be fascinated by him, and I kinda want to tell him that I understand but he will eventually get over it.)

11:04 - Jake mentions Russia and he's laughing in such a manner that I'm expecting some reference to the Club Scene of YouTube Fame any minute now!

11:05 - But, um, I guess we're not going there.  Jake informs us that after reading some totally random book, he learned that Russians don't like people to laugh or smile.  Upon learning this, Jake was horrified, because he's incapable of doing anything but either, all of the time.

11:07 - And here are pictures of himself which he has brought to share.  The first one is a MUGSHOT.  Of Jake in a Russian getup.  Where is my screenshot of this already?!

Morning update:  Thank you, gyllenhaalic4jake!!

11:07 - Shot of Jake and a Russian Homer Simpson in front of the Kremlin.

11:08 - Shot of Jake scowling into a plate of food at his "favorite Russian restaurant."  (All of these are way too funny in execution for me to increase their humor value by making fun of them.)

11:08 - Talk of the corrupt Russian government.  Jake says he cannot confirm.  Is this because he's been corrupted by the government?

11:09 - Prince of Persia recap.  ALSO, Jake confirms what I said earlier about him actually having a dagger that turns back time.

11:10 - Jake admits that Disney defiled ancient buildings to build magical sets for Prince of Persia.

11:10 - Jake introduces the clip.  And...

11:12 - ...we're back.

11:12 - And we're done!  Dave wishes Jake well with his acting career.

That was very intense!  And with no drawn-out story of ridiculousness from Jake, either, but rather a myriad of topics covered in a consistently amusing manner!  My live-blogging skills are a bit rusty, I think, but overall a good time was had by all.

And now I have to go to bed. 

Picture of man mock-gaping at Jake's svelte, lithe body from celebrity-gossip.net.

Read more...

PG Expertly Analyzes Jake Gyllenhaal's GMA Interview!

It's hard work being a Gyllenscholar.  Hours of training are involved in learning to decipher the nuances.  Sometimes Jake will say something and the average law-abiding citizen might think, 'WTF?  That didn't make any sense!'  But someone as well-trained and as in-tune with Jake's feelings as me can hear that same thing and find clues in it to the mysteries of the universe.   

So let's take a look at Jake's Good Morning America appearance (video in the previous post) and see what was really going on there:

00:00 - We hear him before we see him.  Jake giggles maniacally as our interviewer, Elizabeth Vargas, chastises him for his "heckling of the guests."

00:24 - Jake finally stops laughing, so now the interview can start.

00:25 - The guests Jake was just harassing break out into spontaneous applause.  Jake applauds with them because he, too, is excited that Jake Gyllenhaal is on Good Morning America.

00:45 - Jake tells us he did Prince of Persia because he literally wanted people to not be able to take him seriously.

01:03 - Jake gives us a plot synopsis.  Those of us at home marvel at how similar Dastan's upbringing is to Jake's.  (For instance, while Jake was never an orphan [probably], he did have his Bar Mitzvah at a homeless shelter because his family was so poor.  Also, Jake really does have a dagger that turns back time.)

01:33 - Jake forgets something he said one time in another interview, and finds his own words almost as hilarious as yelling at hapless guests in the audience.

01:42 - "Fist-fighting?" Jake asks, as if sounding out words from a language other than English.  Then, looking like his movements are beyond his control, his fists begin...fighting.

01:51 - Everyone is still laughing at Jake for not understanding fist-fighting.

02:00 - Jake defines parkour as "the ability to run from one place to another." 

02:29 - Jake brings up fist-fighting again, because he's still really, really confused about it.  He laughs nervously.  Elizabeth Vargas deftly switches subjects.

02:37 - 03:05 - Clip from Prince of Persia.

03:10 -Elizabeth tells Jake that the clip "deserves a round of applause."  Jake tells her that if she thought that was good, she should wait and see how slammin' his on-screen kissin' skillz are.  (Ow-ow!)

03:41 - Jake admits he can't tell the difference between a Southern accent and a British one.

04:01 - Jake gets very upset recounting the Moroccan heat.  "It's just so hard being an actor!" he says.

04:07 - Elizabeth calls Jake a "poor, overworked, sweaty thing," leading me to believe that for the past 57 seconds, her mind's been stuck on Jake bragging about his kissin' skillz.

04:22 - Jake's wrists again begin to duel.

04:56 - The issue of Jake's last name comes up.  I told Jake last week (in some comment) that he shouldn't have told people the wrong pronunciation, and now he takes 30 seconds to say to America, and the world, "Prophecy Girl was right!  Prophecy Girl is always right!"

05:30 - Jake tells us it's okay if we call him "Gylls."  But I think maybe I won't.

On second thought, maybe I will.

And that's it!

All in all, that was a lot of hilarity and bruised wrists packed into a sub-six-minute interview!  I think the message that we should all take away from this clip is how incredibly sweet it is that Jake managed to grow up in a homeless shelter without ever having to learn about fist-fighting.

Read more...