Friday, October 29, 2010

Stephen Gyllenhaal Wants Nothing to Do with this I'm Stalking Jake! Business

(Everyone will no doubt be back to talking about Tayswift on Monday when her appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres Show airs...but in the meantime we're going to take a breather and switch Gyllenhaals.)

When Stephen Gyllenhaal started blogging a year or so ago, I was dumbfounded.

I was further dumbfounded when he wound up being a fairly good blogger, "good" meaning he updated regularly, he responded to comments, and he wrote very emo entries about the meaning of life and corruption in the U.S. government.  And let's not forget the YouTube videos of him reading poetry.  If he'd been a generation younger, he would have been the textbook model for the ideal blogger.

Blogger Extraordinaire
And I kinda got where he was coming from.  I thought he was full of crap a lot of the time, what with his insistence on writing about how he was such a lowly commoner, a rabble-rouser, if you will, with nothing but a computer and a general anger about his life...

As someone who actually is a lowly commoner with nothing but a computer, and as someone who has been coldly looked down upon for being a commoner with a computer by Stephen Gyllenhaal, I thought all of this was a little ironic.  All his anger toward President Obama and no mention that his son has enough clout to finagle a private audience with him.  All his rage toward the political establishment and no hint that he used to summer in Martha's Vineyard with his personal friends, the Clintons.  All his working class words about creating something from nothing and having to earn it all the hard way and no admitting that he knows half of Hollywood, that he has an entire body of work behind him to stand on, that whether he likes it or not, his last name is a golden ticket and he's not fooling anyone by suggesting he's having as hard a time of it as some of the rest of us.

But I understood his anger.  I have that same type of anger.  And he brought up interesting points.  He talked about things that I like to talk about.  I used to leave him comments, which he always responded to...about healthcare and the Beatles and me losing my job earlier this year.  I even e-mailed him once over an entry where he had a grand revelation about no one being better than anyone else.  It was specifically in relation to us, his audience of fellow commoners, and it struck me as so thoughtful and yet so utterly un-self-aware that I was compelled to tell him privately how much I hoped he truly meant what he had written.

And then I found out that he communicates privately with several of his readers.  People I know.  He follows half of the people who read this blog on Twitter.  I mean this in the nicest way possible, but a lot of you are crazier than I am, so all of this gave me this ridiculous and completely misplaced idea that maybe, after all this time, Stephen Gyllenhaal could like me.  He liked my comments, he liked the people I wrote for, maybe he could like me.  At the very least, maybe he could see me as a fellow human being and not just a caricatured hanger-on.

And I thought, 'I'll send him a copy of my book!  Because maybe he'll read it, and maybe, at long last, I'll get to tell my side of the story as an equal...'

"Oh, Stephen!" my sycophantic e-mail read (not really, I'm dramatizing this).  "I wrote a book and I want you to read it please tell me where to send it!"

He took his time getting back to me and didn't want to give me his address (I would like to state, for the record, that even Just Jared trusts me enough to give me his address) but an electronic copy would be fine...

So I was getting ready to leave for Kansas to go to my best friend's funeral, and I was on the phone with the publisher, explaining to them that I needed an electronic copy of my book because someone I wanted to give it to had specifically requested it, and like smack on the head, I suddenly thought, 'OH MY GOD WHY AM I DOING ALL OF THIS FOR STEPHEN GYLLENHAAL.'  Stephen Gyllenhaal!  Whose entire family has never been anything but dismissive toward me.  Who was personally responsible for dashing my youthful hopes of success at the tender age of 24.  Who has, for as long as I've known of him, been a dismal judge of character and yet I weirdly continue to look past that and take it personally when he ignores me...

He can buy his own damned copy of the book.

When I got home, I wrote him again to (nicely) say he could buy his own damned copy of the book.  I signed it, "Thanks and good luck with everything..."

All he wrote back was, "Yes, and good luck with you too."

The fact that he wrote me back at all leads me to believe that on some level something really has changed between now and that fateful October night almost exactly four years ago.  But I've changed too.  And when I really thought about it, I couldn't come up with a good reason why I wanted him to "like" me anyway.

If he doesn't want to read the book (which I'd say he doesn't), that's most definitely his loss...but it's most definitely my loss if I'm wasting my time trying to "prove" to him that I'm on his level.  There are some things you just have to let go of...  And I need to let go of wanting his approval just because there was a time in my life when he didn't give it to me.

All of which is to say, that's probably the last time I'll ever write to Stephen Gyllenhaal.


Anonymous,  October 29, 2010 at 12:59 PM  

it seems Taylor said they were dating, but I don't believe it. I guess we'll see the pics of them together at some Halloween party, Jake is back in LA


Vanessa October 29, 2010 at 1:14 PM  

Well, PG, all I can say after reading this is, GOOD FOR YOU!!! I completely agree with your final resounding conclusion that you do not need his approval at all & never did. As much as I have enjoyed reading his blog & found a lot of it very intelligent as well as relating to how he feels about a lot of what is going on with our country, I also could tell that he is very self absorbed & egotistic. I still think he is very intelligent & for the most part a good guy, but it's his huge loss that he has not given himself the benefit of getting to know Becky. Too bad for him. Maybe, (most likely not), he will realize some day that he should have paid closer attention to certain people instead of dismissing them so thoughtlessly. One can only hope. ^_^

Anonymous,  October 29, 2010 at 1:47 PM  

That secrecy about where he lives is a crock of manure. He's been trumpeting his street address for months now on his blog. For the record, it's 627 N. Spaulding, Los Angeles 90036. He lives near Rosewood Park, across from the famous Silent Movie Theatre, which I bet he's never once stepped foot it.

Becky Heineke October 29, 2010 at 3:18 PM  

Seriously? His address is on his blog?! WOW total observation fail.

Anonymous,  October 29, 2010 at 3:26 PM  

wow I never thought any celeb would give out their address


Sam October 29, 2010 at 5:07 PM  

Im really glad you are in a good place with all this, i agree with everything you said. I was like a cheerleader on the side lines reading the end of that!! Why should you try prove yourself? Just because he has a particular last name doesnt make him better than you. Good on you PG... stick to your guns!!

p.s. Although secretly i hoped you would send him a copy signed "Its all about learning" but thats just the bitch in me!

Anonymous,  October 29, 2010 at 5:23 PM  

I still don't know what that "all about learning" was all about. What the hell was he thinking?

Sasha,  October 29, 2010 at 5:39 PM  

Congrats PG to make that step ... it is good to let things go - tho it feels crap when they remain kinda unsolved.

and I second Sam about the sending a copy with a "lesson to learn" signature #secretthought

coffeecat October 29, 2010 at 7:43 PM  

Becky, I'm so PROUD and happy for you that you stopped yourself JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME from giving away something of yourself for FREE to someone you DON'T EVEN LIKE!!

Although I am totally with Sam on signing the book, "it's all about learning" (damn - it would have been so IRONIC) I hope you never do it because I want you to never send him a FREE copy; he can buy his own damn copy dammit!

much love and support from CC

joelliea October 29, 2010 at 11:06 PM  


Did you leave him information on where to buy your book? =D. A link to Amazon would be helpful. Hehehe.

Becky Heineke October 30, 2010 at 10:34 AM  

HA!! I didn't give a link but I did say it was on Amazon and hinted that if he just Googled it, he could find it pretty much anywhere. :)

There is a part of me that will probably always be a little sad about not sending an inscribed copy...but since apparently his address is public knowledge, if anyone else wants to, go for it! (God, that'd make a great story!)

Thank you for all the cheerleading on this one! I feel like by the end of writing the book, I was, mentally, where I am right now...but I slipped. Relapse is a part of recovery after all. ;)

sumi k October 30, 2010 at 10:52 AM  

i say we all buy a hard copy of the book, and inundate stevie g with copies, stamped with 'its all about learning' on the inside cover.

what a hilarious project to box his ears.

KD,  October 30, 2010 at 11:36 AM  

After reading your book, all I can say is "PREACH GURL"

Your by far a better person than Stephen G. imho.

Sasha,  October 30, 2010 at 12:38 PM  

@sumi k That Idea is hilarious ...

Nothing Really Matters October 31, 2010 at 3:13 AM  

Darling I'm glad you told him to buy a copy! X

Sam that is the funniest thing ever! Totally something I would do!

Anonymous,  November 3, 2010 at 9:41 PM  

Okay, I'm a new to this site so can someone please tell me what everyone is talking about? What did Stephen Gyllenhaal do to PG that was so bad?

Becky Heineke November 4, 2010 at 10:14 AM  

Welcome to stalkerhood, laurienelise! :) At the risk of sounding like a total self-promoter, the FULL story is in the book I'm Stalking Jake!, and it really is quite a story (it takes up about the first third of the book). The short version is that in 2006, when I was writing for my first Jake site, my co-blogger and I did a lot of work for Stephen and then he was kind of an ass to me in person. Other disappointing Gyllenhaal-related things followed. (But it makes for good reading if you're looking for something Jake-themed to sink into! Here endeth my book plug. ;))

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