Tragedy Befalls the Shirtless Men Bracket Community

Jake Gyllenhaal has, horrifyingly, been brutalized by the voting populace of PopSugar, getting only a dismal 33% of the vote and losing (losing!) his chance to go head to head for the coveted title of Shirtless Man Who Has Won PopSugar's Shirtless Man Bracket.  David Beckham also lost (by an even larger margin), and thus the final round comes down to *yawn* Kellan Lutz and Taylor Lautner.

Wake me up when Twilight is over.

So clearly we're boycotting this final round of voting.  But while we're doing so, we can be enjoying some shirtless men of our own...the type who lift weights purely to quell their increased levels of testosterone and who spend five months in the desert learning simple Arabic phrases under the iron fist of Jamie Foxx.

It is my esteemed pleasure to present to you our final installment of this completely unplanned Jarhead Diaries Festival with the final four videos! 

And now that it's over, I can honestly say that these videos were enjoyable/entertaining/educational enough that I can happily overlook my long-held complaint that we did not get proper behind-the-scenes coverage of the Santa Dance...

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Today in Translated Jake Gyllenhaal Interviews and Shirtless Man Competitions...

Entirely because of me, Jake HAS ADVANCED QUICKLY in PopSugar's Shirtless Men Bracket.  Not only did he beat McConaughey, he also went on to win the next round by beating (of all people) Ryan Phillippe.

Now it's down to the final four:  Jake vs. Kellan Lutz.  David Beckham vs. Taylor Lautner.

Alright.  Look.  I know - I know - we are few.  But I also know that if there is a God, the final will come down to Jake and David Beckham.  That's the only way I can accept that there's any good or justice left in this world.  So vote, damn you.  Vote...and then lose your religion along with me when we inevitably lose.

ALSO TODAY, I bring you a special treat from the wistful days of January 2006, when Jake sat down with Premiere magazine and gave an interview which was published in Portuguese so the English-dominated Jake fanbase never knew what it said.

Until now. 

So now, talking about how Robert Downey Jr thought Val Kilmer was probably a better kisser than Heath Ledger, I give to you:

Jake Gyllenhaal / Premiere Mag January 2006 – translation from Portuguese by Snow

Premiere: Is there any sense in having a premiere on a movie based on war during war times?

Jake: The movie doesn’t force people to participate in the war idea, just on the idea of thinking of it. For me it’s like respecting our authorities and those who enlist to go to the war. But it’s a different experience to everyone. For Peter (Sarsgaard) it was to do with the Air Forces and Vietnam. Though Jarhead, more than a movie about war, is a reflection about a four days war where a soldier’s life can change forever. It’s a big intimate and personal journey. I don’t support actual war. I have a friend who’s a volunteer in rebuilding schools and bridges. Those are the ones we have to honour.

Love against hypocrisy and taboos

P.: There is a huge difference between Jarhead, one of your other movies, almost having premiered simultaneously, and Brokeback Mountain.

J.G.: I filmed them at different times! It’s just a coincidence due to premiere policies. Despite the stress I went through I couldn’t reject it. No one says no to Ang Lee! It’s a very important movie and I hope the public will appreciate its real dimension.

P.: That it’s not a gay western…

J.G.: Exactly. That’s the worst and the falsest label it could possibly have. And I want to add that these two movies will be within me forever, I’ve been really touched by them. And the two books that originally inspired these movies, Anthony Swofford’s “Jarhead” and E. Annie Proulx’s “Brokeback Mountain” are extraordinary. Both are great scale writers with intense stories.

P.: Then, according to your own words, what kind of film is Brokeback Mountain and how is your character, cowboy Jack Twist?

J.G.: I would say it’s a long romance between two people that fight during 20 years to realize how they can love each other. It’s also critical towards the hypocrisy of those times because it’s taking place from 1963, when male homosexuality in a universe of countries was a complete unbreakable taboo.

P.: We find two lovers; Jack Twist is braver and daring.

J.G.: We could say that the love of his life, Ennis del Mar, is more uncommunicative, he doesn’t understand his feelings. Many times we don’t know if he wants to kiss me or hit me. Jack, on the other hand, is more secure about those feelings. The best of the movie is that it takes place during two decades and these two lovers try to trespass many obstacles, their respective marriages and the distance to go through with their love. The sexual scenes with Heath Ledger which seemed to disturb many viewers are shown in a very natural way, as any romance. Heath did a great job as he didn’t have time to prepare as Wes Bentley, the first Ennis, left the role at the very last moment.

P.: Did those scenes cause you any problem?

J.G.: I won’t lie and say that we weren’t a bit nervous. I have a good relationship with Heath. We didn’t ask questions, we went straight to it. In any case these are always uncomfortable scenes to film, doesn’t matter if it's with women or men. The best part of it was Ang Lee with his gentleness and details. Without him, everything would have been much different.

P.: And Heath kisses alright?

J.G.: Good, yes. Even though Robert Downey Jr. whom I have just filmed Zodiac with, says that Val Kilmer would be better (who he kisses in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang). Ang Lee just told me to kiss harder, with the strengh of a man. You kiss a woman much softer. Sexual relations are a way of consuming your intimacy. Both act one for each other, like the ying and yang, complementing themselves making a unique soul. That’s why when we are separate and far away, we are two incomplete souls. I belong to a generation where homosexuality is not a problem. Many of my best friends are. They have educated me like that. Those who say that I will lose some fans for saying this, can choose another actor to admire.

P.: Was it a difficult decision to take part in these scenes?

J.G.: No because to me this was a love story. With any doubts different to what I have done so far. I felt moved. It’s difficult to say more without any spoilers. There is so much passion and complexity as well as gentleness.

P.: Both in Jarhead and Brokeback Mountain feelings are expressed mainly in silence, and with that great melancholic look that works so well.

J.G.: Good heavens! I have not thought about that. Good looks are from Maggie (laughs). The look and silence are important as Tony and Jack are connected by an enormous solitude.

P.: Did Ang Lee ask for something in particular?

J.G.: He was interested in that you could perfectly feel the idea of this love being one without limits. It’s a story about feelings. Heath, Ang, producer Michael Hausman and I were in Canada, by Fort Macleod, in the mountains of Alberta. We were isolated in four separate huts. We rehearsed and filmed in the exteriors and mainly the idea was taking us away by the beauty, nature and solitude. Especially solitude, which started to invade our spirit, which was what Ang really wanted. That let us perceive how solitude got Jack and Ennis into each other, to fill that great emptiness.

P.: You both express a great variety of emotions.

J.G.: We are of those types of people that decide to take their love to the limit. Though in this love we also feel pain, happiness, bitterness, attraction and rage. It’s interesting to show the public these emotions in their pure essence.

ENORMOUS thank you to Snow for doing this amazing (and extensive!) translation job for us! :)  And thanks to Monicabbm for the interview scan and thanks to Vanessa, Leslie, and PopSugar for letting me know that Jake was Final Four material!

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Help Jake Defeat That Loser McConaughey in This Shirtless Man Competition

PopSugar, who loves both The Jake and The Shirtless Man, has combined these two great interests in their fantastic Shirtless Men Bracket, which started two weeks ago but I just found out about it on Monday.

Jake is now in the SEMI-FINAL ROUND.  All he has to do is beat Matthew McConaughey (who is, to be fair, a beast on the Shirtless Man Competition circuit) and he will move on to the finals.  Jake's already beaten Sting and Leonardo DiCaprio (both by laughably large margins), and let us hope the same will be true with McFailure-to-Launch.

VOTE HERE.

PopSugar also put together this soft porn video, which you only have to watch the first 22 seconds of, because after that no one cares:


(Although obviously no one does Jake porn as well as I do.)

SPEAKING OF VIDEOS, in my quest for world domination, and also my quest to not have Vanessa have to use her personal YouTube account to do my bidding all of the time, we're launching an I'm Stalking Jake YouTube channel!  It will be amazing, because at some point I'll make it look better than it does now, and also all of the videos will have "brought to you by imstalkingjake.com" (or thereabouts) in the title, because I'm a shameless self-promoter.


And that is all of my news, though not all of my Love and Other Drugs screencaps.  This one I thought was thematically appropriate on account of the Shirtless Men Bracket.  The end.

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