SOCK WATCH: EXTENDED EDITION

Usually we jump straight to the main event, BUT NOT TODAY.  Today we take it just a little slower.  Jake knows we know he's got some sock for us, but he's taking his time, not giving it all up in the first picture...

Or even the second...

And now that the anticipation level is out of control (*deep breath*), here we go:

• COLOR:  A deceptively-light gray (the less experienced may mistake it for white)
• TYPE:  Snug fit, possibly ribbed but inconclusive with the photograph quality at hand
• HEIGHT:  Lower than I usually go for, but it's been so long that hell, I'll take whatever I can get
• OVERALL STATUS:  Sufficiently satisfying after the drawn-out reveal...

New-old pics from 2009.

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Agent Wins Merit Badge for Exceptional Sock Research

ISJ's very own randomhero2006 has gone above and beyond the call of duty and made the rest of you look like lazy slackers.  After conducting extensive research of Jake's ankle region, she has concluded, with 100% accuracy and certainty, that Jake Gyllenhaal was wearing socks yesterday.

This is crucial to our understanding of Jake, and leads to the proudest moment in the past two years of my life.  So, without any further ado, I present to you:

 SOCK WATCH: COMEBACK EDITION

 

• COLOR:  Shoe-complementing muddy gray (perhaps with hidden stripes?)
• TYPE:  Brimming with wholesome, cottony goodness
• HEIGHT:  Unacceptably low
• OVERALL STATUS:  Disappointing to the point of humiliating 

In conclusion, Jake Gyllenhaal is not unattractive because he doesn't wear socks, he's unattractive because he doesn't wear socks people can see.

*******

If you would like to win an ISJ! Merit Badge, then just do something at least as awesome as figuring out whether or not Jake was wearing socks in a paparazzi picture.  Rest assured your efforts will be rewarded.

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