Friday, May 14, 2010

Jake Gyllenhaal Just Stone Cold Beating Up On A Guy

This is a picture of Jake beating up an interviewer from The Times Online because the guy was all like "aw, man, Jake is soooo sensitive, I should see if I can make him cry."  Literally, this is how the article begins.  No wonder Jake beat him up.

Also of interest in this interview:

- The interviewer uses the adjective "bikini-waxed" to describe Jake, leaving us in the audience to ponder just what kind of setting this interview took place in...

- The interviewer, who apparently writes bad erotica on the side, describes Jake as having "implausibly overpumped muscles almost ripping apart the seams of his army-green T-shirt" and then follows up by suggesting he has the look of someone who would "rather be at home, writing poetry."  (Stephen shout-out?!)  Yes, that is Jake:  the hairless, muscular, long-haired, sensitive, single lad with a poetry fetish.  God, I could sell that to Harlequin and make MILLIONS...

- Continuing his established tradition of using inflated adjectives to describe Jake, the interviewer comes up with "antiseptically professional" and I will cry myself to sleep every night for the rest of my life for not being the one to have written that.

-  Without a trace of irony, the interviewer calls Jake "precocious," apparently overlooking the fact that of the two of them, Jake was not the one fantasizing about poetry and throwing around words like "antiseptically."

All in all, the dude probably did deserve a punch in the face.  But the interview's worth a read anyway!

Thanks to coffeecat for the tip!


Sam May 14, 2010 at 4:39 PM  

I'm not entirely sure what this post is about. It's early morning and i just cant get past this part

"implausibly overpumped muscles almost ripping apart the seams of his army-green T-shirt"

I might come back to this post when i get home from work... meanwhile i think i might have to watch Jarhead :D

Becky Heineke May 14, 2010 at 5:09 PM  

I may have taken out some of my aggression on the Apple Store in this post. :) They tried to destroy my hard drive when apparently there was NOTHING wrong with it and you know, if you're a hapless Times employee writing really weird shit about Jake while I'm emotionally involved in my electronics, then God help you!!

Shamrock May 14, 2010 at 6:52 PM  

I think it's funny that Jake requested to sit with the sun in his face.

He just wanted to be seen with that glow...

Becky Heineke May 14, 2010 at 7:12 PM  

I know, right? That's the sign of a guy who has given many, many interviews... :)

Anonymous,  May 14, 2010 at 9:33 PM  

You nailed it, PG! I just wish the guy in the photo really was the interviewer at the Times.

Becky Heineke May 14, 2010 at 9:54 PM  

^^^ Thank you! I felt like the whole thing was just off, and it didn't help that the interviewer started off by exploiting Jake's reaction to being asked about Heath by turning it into a melodramatic opening to his article. :( JOURNALISM FAIL.

Sam May 15, 2010 at 4:29 AM  

Fail alright, that guy is a douch. Did he not see *that* interview after the Oscars. You just dont go there. *tut tut tut*

Anonymous,  May 15, 2010 at 8:34 AM  

Very snotty interview; I wonder if Jake caught the mockery in it? He probably did, but chose to take the high road, because he knows how to behave. The interviewer was more interested in showing off his own cleverness than in presenting Jake decently. Anyway, one fact is wrong: Jake's first big role was in October Sky, not Donnie Darko.

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