John Barrowman Crosses the Line of Decency, Crosses Back Over, Then Crosses to the First Side Again

A long time ago (June), noted human John Barrowman gained minor, short-lived, blogosphere fame for saying he wanted to see Jake Gyllenhaal naked.  "Just take your clothes off, Jake!" said Barrowman, to some interview person.  He also expressed interest in kissing Jake.

In related news, the sky is blue.

Barrowman, whose current day job is "actor on ABC's tawdry Sunday evening soap Desperate Housewives" slunk back into obscurity for the next month or so (out of shame, no doubt, after Jake did not respond to his advances)...

...BUT NOW HE'S BACK.

AND IT'S WORSE.

Earlier this week, Barrowman once again made the blogging circuit afer insisting that Jake play him in a biopic of his life.  Should a biopic ever be made.  Which is unlikely.  But just in case the opportunity comes up, it should be Jake.  Whom I'm sure he still wants to kiss.

Dear John Barrowman,

I think it's really weird that you want to make out with yourself.  And to quote a wise woman (me), "If you want to get Jake's attention, I can't think of anything less effective than going the blogging route."

Luv 4-eva,
PG (peace)

John Barrowman has now surpassed Kris Allen as the Worst Celebrity Who Ever Lived.

Speaking of Jake (as we often do around here), there are only 39 days left to pre-order your Prince of Persia DVD or Blu-ray!  Which is why I have now sold out and put little link-y thingies on the sidebar for your convenience.

(Totally kidding about selling out.  I never had any scruples or decency to begin with.)

Also, after a few inquiries that made me think that people might actually still be interested, the Jake Watch Store has recently been redesigned and restocked (now 50% less likely to be breaking copyright laws)!  So check it out!  Jake himself is, of course, a big fan of my T-shirt designing skillz:

Death to Barrowman, and enjoy your Friday!

Original Barrowman pic from HERE.  Thanks to Vanessa for letting me know he was back to his old tricks!

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Et Tu, Peter Sarsgaard?

Dude.  He's, like, your brother.

I'm kind of weirded out too.  But the damage is done.  To THE LIST you go.

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While We're on the Subject of Season 8 American Idol Contestants, Here is Your Adam Lambert Post!

Consider this the second in our roughly seven billion part series "Things I Missed During the Prince of Persia Promotional Blitz," with today's installment being "That Time Jake Went on Jonathan Ross's Show the Same Day Adam Lambert Did."  (Which I didn't so much miss as I hadn't started the blog yet when this aired.  I actually think it was very inconsiderate of Jake not to wait until I was ready.) 

Below is Jake's interview, in which he admits he has no friends and then starts frying up an iPad like the crazy millionaire that he is.  (Note to Jake:  I will be your friend if you give me an iPad.)

Also of interest:  He decides not to take his shirt off (losing yet more opportunities for friends), lays down the law when Jonathan comes onto him (add Jonathan Ross to our Celebrity Stalker List), skirts around a drug discussion (though he's not fooling us), gets roped into another drug discussion (which, like the first one, revolves around bedroom performance), and reveals that among his many and varied talents, he's also a dab hand with screws and glue (even if he can't make a simple chair).

And back to the part of this post in which the headline is relevant, wacky hijinks ensue later when Jake and Adam decide to entertain themselves backstage by having a contest to see who can least accurately mimic an American Southern accent:


There are no losers here, boys!

Thanks to Vanessa for the YouTube links!

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More Celebrities Blacklisted for Stalking Jake (Kris Allen, I'm Looking at You)

Gabriella Cilmi, person whose existence I was previously unaware of, is now on our watch list till the end of time for this horrifyingly intrusive and inappropriate comment during an interview last week:

“I can’t wait to see ‘Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time’ with Jake Gyllenhaal, he’s pretty fine if I might say so. I probably wouldn’t be able to talk properly though because when I get nervous I can’t construct a sentence.”

AHHHH THE HORROR.  Control yourself, woman!!!!!

UNFORTUNATELY, at this time I am unable to devote the time needed to appropriately reprimand Gabriella because her out of control comments, while shocking, have nothing on what was said by Kris Allen, who has just rocketed to the top of our list of Worst Celebrity Jake Stalkers Ever.  Yes, he trumps even Dustin Hoffman, a man who was once so overwhelmed by Jake's presence that this happened (Susan Sarandon was mortified):

What could a person do that could possibly be worse than that?  Well, first Kris answered this question, shouted by a raucous female fan with an overactive imagination:


  
And then MTV asked him to explain, and he just made A BAD SITUATION WORSE:

MTV Shows

(I think the interviewer might have a man-crush on Jake himself.)

Kris Allen, for God's sake, keep it together, man.  And learn from the mistakes of Jimmy Fallon.  'Cause he crossed this line too, and if you keep acting like this, Jake might have to break out his fists of fury and go ninja on your ass. 



Don't say I didn't warn you.

Thanks to HappyDogBlog for the tip and Vanessa for the gif!

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Stalking Jake Gyllenhaal: Not Just For Commoners Anymore

IMPORTANT QUESTION:  Though obviously Jake Gyllenhaal should be rigidly protected from people like us, do people like us need to be protecting Jake from his fellow celebrities?  Let's let the evidence speak for itself.

Jessica Alba*:

Q:  So you’re done with dating stars now…but do you still have any celeb crushes?
A:  I would have to say [some guy], [some other guy], [another guy], [a dude], and Jake Gyllenhaal.

Ashley Tisdale**:

"...Ashley’s other crush, Jake Gyllenhaal...”

Will Forte:

Q:  What male SNL host has made the female cast members most flustered?
A:  Jake Gyllenhaal. Not only did every woman have a crush on him, it seemed like there were a lot of dude crushes, too.

NOT COOL, HOLLYWOOD.

Even worse, it's not just the people in these interviews.  Everywhere Jake goes, these celebrity types are throwing themselves at him left and right.  It can be downright painful to watch him try to be polite in the uncomfortable situations that arise when his extreme hotness overwhelms other famous people and causes them to act out in desperation for his attention...

(Aniston is a double offender.)

 

I don't even know who this last woman is, but I'm embarrassed just looking at her.

Poor Jake.  He really did get stuck with a bad lot in life, being born with that face and all...  NO ONE CAN RESIST HIM.  It's a testament to the man he is that he's able to soldier on while the rest of the human race loses its daily battle to restrain itself.

* Jessica Alba interview from 2005.
** Ashley Tisdale interview from 2009.
Thanks to KD for alerting me to the 2 Cosmo articles!  And I think someone sent me the Will Forte interview as well, but I am so, so sorry that I've forgotten already where it came from! :(

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