More Celebrities Blacklisted for Stalking Jake (Kris Allen, I'm Looking at You)

Gabriella Cilmi, person whose existence I was previously unaware of, is now on our watch list till the end of time for this horrifyingly intrusive and inappropriate comment during an interview last week:

“I can’t wait to see ‘Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time’ with Jake Gyllenhaal, he’s pretty fine if I might say so. I probably wouldn’t be able to talk properly though because when I get nervous I can’t construct a sentence.”

AHHHH THE HORROR.  Control yourself, woman!!!!!

UNFORTUNATELY, at this time I am unable to devote the time needed to appropriately reprimand Gabriella because her out of control comments, while shocking, have nothing on what was said by Kris Allen, who has just rocketed to the top of our list of Worst Celebrity Jake Stalkers Ever.  Yes, he trumps even Dustin Hoffman, a man who was once so overwhelmed by Jake's presence that this happened (Susan Sarandon was mortified):

What could a person do that could possibly be worse than that?  Well, first Kris answered this question, shouted by a raucous female fan with an overactive imagination:


  
And then MTV asked him to explain, and he just made A BAD SITUATION WORSE:

MTV Shows

(I think the interviewer might have a man-crush on Jake himself.)

Kris Allen, for God's sake, keep it together, man.  And learn from the mistakes of Jimmy Fallon.  'Cause he crossed this line too, and if you keep acting like this, Jake might have to break out his fists of fury and go ninja on your ass. 



Don't say I didn't warn you.

Thanks to HappyDogBlog for the tip and Vanessa for the gif!

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Stalking Jake Gyllenhaal: Not Just For Commoners Anymore

IMPORTANT QUESTION:  Though obviously Jake Gyllenhaal should be rigidly protected from people like us, do people like us need to be protecting Jake from his fellow celebrities?  Let's let the evidence speak for itself.

Jessica Alba*:

Q:  So you’re done with dating stars now…but do you still have any celeb crushes?
A:  I would have to say [some guy], [some other guy], [another guy], [a dude], and Jake Gyllenhaal.

Ashley Tisdale**:

"...Ashley’s other crush, Jake Gyllenhaal...”

Will Forte:

Q:  What male SNL host has made the female cast members most flustered?
A:  Jake Gyllenhaal. Not only did every woman have a crush on him, it seemed like there were a lot of dude crushes, too.

NOT COOL, HOLLYWOOD.

Even worse, it's not just the people in these interviews.  Everywhere Jake goes, these celebrity types are throwing themselves at him left and right.  It can be downright painful to watch him try to be polite in the uncomfortable situations that arise when his extreme hotness overwhelms other famous people and causes them to act out in desperation for his attention...

(Aniston is a double offender.)

 

I don't even know who this last woman is, but I'm embarrassed just looking at her.

Poor Jake.  He really did get stuck with a bad lot in life, being born with that face and all...  NO ONE CAN RESIST HIM.  It's a testament to the man he is that he's able to soldier on while the rest of the human race loses its daily battle to restrain itself.

* Jessica Alba interview from 2005.
** Ashley Tisdale interview from 2009.
Thanks to KD for alerting me to the 2 Cosmo articles!  And I think someone sent me the Will Forte interview as well, but I am so, so sorry that I've forgotten already where it came from! :(

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