So Jake Rides a Motorcycle Now?

Word on the street is that a certain sometime-celebrity whose name just happens to appear in the title of this website was seen cavorting around Los Angeles on a motorcycle recently.  We don't have photographic evidence yet, but we do have this:

What Jake Gyllenhaal might look like were he to be poorly Photoshopped into a picture with a motorcycle.

Obviously there are certain risks involved when riding a motorcycle, especially when the driver is someone as reckless as Jake.  Therefore, after many seconds of rational contemplation, I did the only sane thing that I could do in this situation, which was to take out 10 separate insurance policies on various parts of Jake's body.

Monetary amounts explained below:

True, my savings account took a bit of a hit, but "food" and "shelter" are so overrated, right?  (If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times...priorities.)

UPDATE:  Thanks to S4M985, we now have visual confirmation that Jake is, at the very least, not protecting his arms, feet, or hair.  And you probably thought I was overreacting...

Read more...