Because There's a Rumor About Jake and Running...

Jake Gyllenhaal:  Skilled Runner

Your fearless leader, who has been up since 4:45 this morning, watched the sun come up about halfway through her 6.5 mile half-marathon training run.  (I do this to myself every year, because I'm a masochist.)  So how coincidental that when I came home and started skulking around on the other Jake blogs looking for news (as I'm prone to doing...I don't know where the hell these people find this stuff) I discovered that Gyllenbabble was reporting that someone else was reporting that Jake was, at this very moment, at one of the more hardcore of all trail races ever.  (Trail racing being "running for people who are even more insane than normal runners.")

And now they're just all over this story so I'm not even going to try to compete.  I didn't know about this personally, mind you, because Jake's all stroppy right now because Glamour UK thinks we're only 68% compatible and so he didn't even call me to ask how my run went this morning or to break the news that there might be a running movie in the works.

(Note to Jake:  I'd be a very good extra for this movie.) 

So anyway, since it's all a bunch of speculation right now and because I have such a backlog of posts that I have covered pretty much every topic on Earth, I thought today we'd look back at this post-appropriate jewel from my glorious youth, back when we were just learning about Jake's skills as a runner.  From August 12, 2007:

The Jake Watch Guide to Race Day Etiquette

We here at Jake Watch are all about physical fitness (as of today).  That's why when we found out that Jake ran a 5k race yesterday, we decided to take that experience and use it as an educational opportunity.  Using her extensive knowledge gained from participating in ten or fewer 5Ks, PG presents to you...

Running a 5K:  Basics for Beginners with Jake Gyllenhaal

What to Wear:

Always a beacon of fashion, Jake shows off classic "beginner style" 5k wear:

1.  A cooling haircut, ideal for men.  (Ponytails are recommended for the fairer sex.)

2.  Seen mostly on walkers in the back, Jake breaks tradition by charging up front in the light-colored race-day t-shirt that comes in all registration packs.   Designed by local artists, this brightly-colored abstract work of art will be thrown into the back of your dresser after the race and never worn again.  Your race number is best displayed at bellybutton-level and can be attached with anywhere from 2 or 4 safety pins...it's up to you!

3.  Running shoes and ankle socks.  No knee-highs here; it's all about showing off your man-legs.

Career 5k-ers will likely invest in a get-up more like that of the gentleman to the right of Jake (marked *).   In other circumstances, his indecently short shorts and sweat-wicking tank would get some scandalized stares.   On race day, they are the proud badges of someone who knows what they're doing.

Who You're Running With:

They show up to every 5k across the country.  They are:

1 and 2.  The "Blatant Stalker" Guys.  Usually ogling girls in sports bras, these particular stalkers are distracted by the movie star in their midst.

3.  The "Run Around Before the Race" Guy.  By the time you drag yourself to the course at whatever godforsaken early hour of the morning, this guy has been running the track for hours.  He will finish before you and continue to run until everyone else has crossed the finish line.  He makes sure you know he's more in shape than you are and that for him, running is fun!

4.  The "I Love the '90's" Guy.  This guy loves his hypercolored shirts and patterned shorts.  He even wears high-tops...and he will fly past your sorry ass while you're laughing at what he's wearing.  Turns out those are his lucky clothes that he's worn to every 5k since 1991.  They haven't failed him yet!

5.  The "Local Celebrity" Guy.  In Memphis, this guy is Action News 5 anchor, Joe Birch.  In Chilmark, apparently it's Jake Gyllenhaal.

6.  Your Grandpa.  He will beat your time by at least 20 minutes.

7.    The "Oh-My-God-I-Spotted-The-Local-Celebrity!" Guy.  He always works his way up to the front of the crowd before the race starts so that he doesn't miss any of the excitement.  He will fall to the back by Mile 2.

8.  The "I'm Hot When I'm Shirtless" Guy.  For this guy, the race is an opportunity to show off his tight abs and run around half-nekked.  One smoldering look into the camera and he's ready for the ladies.  Race?  What race?

9.  The "Clueless" Guy.  While everyone else is gearing up to run, he's idly standing around looking at his own hand.

10.  The "Fearless Female."  The one woman who dares to work her way to the front of the line with all the manly men.  She will not finish first, but dammit, she will finish before the local celebrity.

***

Hey, showing up well-dressed and knowing who you're up again is half the battle!  The actual running part is more of a sidenote.  We're not sure what training regimen Jake sticks to, but judging by his time (19:38, holy shit!) we'd say he's slightly better at this running thing than PG.


And now the PG of 2010 would like to add one final note, which is that we have a translation request!  If anyone knows Portuguese, there are several people (myself included!) who'd love to know what this interview says.  Thanks! :)

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