Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Jake Gyllenhaal In Hiding After Hanging Out With His Horrible Fans

There's been no sign of Jake for the past few days.  No doubt he's in hiding, ashamed because of the rather ordinary way he chose to climb into his car over the weekend.

Or perhaps he's hiding because of the atrocious behavior he witnessed last week as he was forced to take pictures with fans.  It'll probably come as no surprise, but all of Jake's fan encounters are supposed to be cleared by me in advance (example).  It's tragically unfortunate that because of my busy live-blogging schedule, a few fans slipped through the cracks last week:

God, what an unseemly display.  Who is this girl and why is she practically mauling him?  CITIZEN'S ARREST.  

And this person: 
Um, yeah, could she possibly get any closer to him?  She's probably a communist, because of the peace sign, and she doesn't understand about personal boundaries.

Don't touch it, Jake!  Touch the Sharpie and who knows what she'll be asking you to touch next!!!

Good boy.  Just wave and keep walking.

See what I have to put up with every time Jake promotes a movie?  It's really, really hard being me sometimes.  I will never look upon this entry again, because the behavior of these fans will never stop being upsetting...

28 comments:

Anonymous,  June 2, 2010 at 10:56 AM  

Fans really have no shame. Doesn't that first pic make you want to yell "Back away from my man" ? None of those girls were authorized by you to touch the Gyllenhaal, what nerve!

People.com is reporting that Jake was seen Monday having breakfast "after riding his motorcycle". Since when does Jake have a motorcycle? We need pics to analyse the way he gets on that thing and to check if he wears socks doing it.

Olympia

Anonymous,  June 2, 2010 at 10:57 AM  

Also, I have to say, I really like the idea of Jake on a motorcycle. :)

Olympia

gyllenhaalisgr8 June 2, 2010 at 11:12 AM  

Besides being jealous as hell at that little tramp, I have said it before and I'll say it again: Respect. Jake is a human being and a gentleman, but I think some fans are pushing it. Give the man a break!

gyllenhaalisgr8 June 2, 2010 at 11:13 AM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
gyllenhaalisgr8 June 2, 2010 at 11:34 AM  

Let this be our Jake fan wake-up call:

http://twitpic.com/1tbfpm

Nothing Really Matters June 2, 2010 at 11:58 AM  

He can touch my sharpie any time :-P

Darling you know I'm not one to say anything! But when are you going to authorize an encounter with me! These golden locks and youthful looks don't come cheap! And as the years pass it’s getting harder every day!

Becky Heineke June 2, 2010 at 1:34 PM  

^^^ Haaaahaaaha! Dammit NRM, I'll authorize you when you stop making suggestive Sharpie comments. Jake is quite delicate, you know.

And can I just say...MOTORCYCLE?! I demand photographic proof, People.com!! God, the fun we could have with Jake on a motorcycle... (Although if this winds up being true, a part of me will live in fear of him taking a spill and winding up looking like gyllenhaalisgr8's photo.)

Call Me Mo June 2, 2010 at 1:54 PM  

It please me so that Jake does not give a dimple action smile just out to any ol' camera. Obviously he does not think I am a horrible fan. Woo!

I'm with you, PG. Jake on a motorcycle makes my heart race and stop at the same time. Leather is nice, but I prefer to see Jake in spandex on a bicyle. :D

Sam June 2, 2010 at 4:36 PM  

A PEACE sign?! We all want PEACE but please, when your getting a picture with Jake- putting up the peace sign is the last thing you should be thinking about!

gyllenhaalisgr8 June 2, 2010 at 8:10 PM  

I also prefer Jake on a bicycle -- Mr. Healthy. But if he's gonna be on a motorcycle, he'd better be smoking! Politically incorrect or not, he looks HOT with a cig in his hand! He's a very oral person -- tongue, straws, toothpics...hmmm. Makes my mouth water just thinking about it, sigh.

gyllenhaalisgr8 June 2, 2010 at 8:12 PM  

Get in line, NRM -- I've been throwing AARP junk away for twelve years! The way my heart goes into atrial fib before every premiere, I may not make it! Jake may be the death of me, but I could't think of a nicer way to go.

coffeecat June 2, 2010 at 8:43 PM  

You can't fit a piece of paper between Jake and Fan Girl # 1. It's outrageous!

Sam June 3, 2010 at 6:23 AM  

C C, it is insane isnt it? I mean what part of her body isnt touching Gylls... tut tut Subtlety anyone?!

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