Jake Gyllenhaal In Hiding After Hanging Out With His Horrible Fans

There's been no sign of Jake for the past few days.  No doubt he's in hiding, ashamed because of the rather ordinary way he chose to climb into his car over the weekend.

Or perhaps he's hiding because of the atrocious behavior he witnessed last week as he was forced to take pictures with fans.  It'll probably come as no surprise, but all of Jake's fan encounters are supposed to be cleared by me in advance (example).  It's tragically unfortunate that because of my busy live-blogging schedule, a few fans slipped through the cracks last week:

God, what an unseemly display.  Who is this girl and why is she practically mauling him?  CITIZEN'S ARREST.  

And this person: 

Um, yeah, could she possibly get any closer to him?  She's probably a communist, because of the peace sign, and she doesn't understand about personal boundaries.

Don't touch it, Jake!  Touch the Sharpie and who knows what she'll be asking you to touch next!!!

Good boy.  Just wave and keep walking.

See what I have to put up with every time Jake promotes a movie?  It's really, really hard being me sometimes.  I will never look upon this entry again, because the behavior of these fans will never stop being upsetting...