Is there really such thing as too much Jake? Well, yes, in this case, because how are we supposed to digest it all? How are we supposed to take the time necessary to enjoy every moment, every word, every different definition of parkour?!
Here are the highlights from the past 24 hours:
Live with Regis and Kelly, Part 1, Or "Jake Relives His Painful Childhood"
Live with Regis and Kelly, Part 2, Or "Holy Smokes, Look At Jake Gyllenhaal!"
Jimmy Kimmel Live, Part 1, Or "Jake Purposefully Ignores Gabourey Sidibe On The Red Carpet"
Jimmy Kimmel Live, Part 2, Or "Uncle Jake's Pancake House Earns A Health Code Violation"
The Hour with George Stroumboulopoulos, Or "Man Is That Peter Sarsgaard Creepy"
(Note: I originally read The Hour with George Stroumboulopoulos as The Hour with George Stephanopolous, and I got really excited thinking maybe Jake was going to talk about politics. But no, that was just me being ignorant of Canadian culture.)
(Also note: At the end of this clip, Jake again brings up his actual dagger that turns back time. Pretty much everything Jake ever says in any interview I have already written about at an earlier date somewhere on the internet.)
And lastly, thanks to jbhoneebee, here's a good old-fashioned radio interview with Ryan Seacrest, Or "HOLY CRAP JAKE FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGES HIS CIVIL WAR ALBUM." (Starting around the 5:00 mark -- see earlier comment about me reporting on all of Jake's comments before he says them.)
I'M EXHAUSTED NOW from all of this Jake. I'm going to go lie down and calm my nerves because let's not forget...there's still more to come.
Oh, that we live in an age of such riches!