Jake Gyllenhaal: Still a Generic, Run-of-the-Mill Human Being

Jake needs to come hang out with me for a while.  Not because I want him around (we're on frosty terms at the moment), but because I'm a magnet for hysteria.  And Jake is a magnet for banality.  And maybe the two of us could even each other out to the point where we both had manageably interesting lives...

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