This should be extra-exciting because I have yet to watch Conan on his new network/time! This is what happens when "hip" television personalities are pitted against The Daily Show. Us youth voters become confused and just start going to bed early...
Hey, here's an unrelated recent picture of Jake looking strapping and masculine because instead of tying his shirt around his waist, like a pansy ass would, he's slung it over his shoulder, like a real man:
AREN'T YOU EXCITED FOR THIS LIVE BLOG?!
Here we go.
10:00 - Oops, I missed the first part because I was watching the tail end of The Soup on E! Oh, that Joel McHale. Always good for a giggle.
10:01 - Last of opening credits. Thank God Jake is actually going to be on. (Otherwise this blog could get awkward.)
10:07 - A new study finds that women start to feel old at 29. For men, that age is 58. As a twenty-nine-year-old female, I am now sad about society. And I feel old.
10:12 - Conan admits that he never said that this was going to be an amazing show tonight.
10:13 - "Big star" Jake Gyllenhaal will be on...later! (In terms of applause enthusiasm, Jake is decidedly third after Randy Jackson and Panic at the Disco.)
10:17 - "Jake Gyllenhaal coming up very soon." True story, all of the oil leaked out of my car yesterday, so I had to get up super early this morning to take it to the shop and I lost my entire day waiting on repairs and now I'm very tired. So I'm really glad that Jake is always first on these shows (so I can go to bed, because it's all about me). I wonder if that's because he requests that or because he's unerringly less famous than the other guests he shares the show with...
Whoa. Deep thoughts there...
10:30 - It's young Jacob! (And, as an aside, fuck him for looking so good right now.)
10:31 - Jackie the Stage Manager has told Jake, backstage, that Conan (who - see four time stamps above - has already said this is going to be a substandard show) is not excited at all to interview this Jake Gyllenhaal person. Conan rebuts by insisting that every time he's ever seen Jake scampering around Hollywood, Jake has been "friendly."
No, wait, Conan amends, friendly "as celebrities go."
No, wait, PG amends from her living room, friendly "to other celebrities as celebrities go."
10:31 - Dude totally name-drops his own sister. That's the patented Jake Gyllenhaal cue that this interview has officially started.
10:32 - Conan and Jake discuss the infamous beard-smelling incident of 2007, which JESUS was four years ago now and I'm still live blogging this shit. (No wonder I feel old.)
10:33 - Jake tells a story about going to a restaurant one time and eating next to people with beards who talked like ship captains from the 1800s. Later in the story, these people will speak with Irish (?) accents. I'm not sure where this is going, but I cannot look away.
10:35 - Much as Jake recently told us, through humor, that sometimes people think he's gay, Jake tells us, through humor, that people thought he was depressed when he grew that enormous beard over the summer. But neither thing was true! In the case of the beard, he just didn't shave.
10:35 - And sometimes women who don't shave also grow beards. (WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED WITH THIS STORY I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND.)
10:36 - Commercial break.
10:39 - And we're back!
10:39 - Movie talk. Source Code is pretty effing sweet according to the two people now on television being paid to promote it.
10:40 - Jake explains that Ang Lee and Duncan Jones are, like, the exact same person, because they're both Asian sons of David Bowie.
10:41 - Jake tells how Duncan Jones used to keep him disoriented on set by putting an earwig in his ear and playing "Send in the Clowns." Send in the Clowns? SEND IN THE CLOWNS?! THAT WAS ONLY THE THEME SONG OF THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW NEVER DIES. This means that Duncan Jones has read the script and wants to turn it into a movie.
10:41 - Movie clip! Oh, wait. Dammit, I've already seen this clip. I've seen one goddamned clip from this movie and it's this one...
10:43 - Er, I think maybe Jake is kind of giving too much of the story away. I don't want to know anything! I want to go and be like, what the hell is this movie I just paid to see????
10:43 - And it's OVER!
Whew! That live blogging thing is always harder than I think it's going to be when I haven't done it in a while. We'll try this again in two days with The Daily Show!