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I'm Stalking Jake! by Becky Heineke (Hey, Google, that's keyword "Jake Gyllenhaal.")

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10 Things I Hate About You references 13.1 20 to life 25 Days of Christmas 31 about the book activism actual Jake porn Adrien Brody all-night benders alternate universe American beer American Idol finalists amusing as the end result was And the Oscar goes to... Angry Jake anniversary posts annoying delays assholes attention sluts attractive m-shaped hairlines autograph hounds back away from my man bad grammar baseball stadiums basically all famous people know me but haven't realized it yet biceps bipedalism blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-al-co-hol Blingees bloodsuckers blue collar work blue sweaters Bob Vila box office reports boxing careers breaking up is hard to do Bulgarian teen idols Burl Ives camouflage camping tents cancer PSAs car rides Casper the Friendly Jake Celebrity Site of the Day celebrity stalkers charity work child labor laws Chinese takeout Christmas Eve Christmas ornaments cigarettes CNN interviews common running injuries cooking copyright infringement countdown to Source Code starts in 5...4...3... crevasses cross-dressing current projects deaging processes deep thoughts Derek Zoolander references devils Dill disinterested small children disjointed narratives that encapsulate several loosely-related photos dog days of summer dollar dollar bill y'all Donnie Darko dream dates DVD news ear buds easy letdowns egg whites emo younger cousins end of discussion erratic behavior exciting television schedules eyeballs eyebrows Facebook questions failed pick-up lines failures in law enforcement failures of Canada Fake Jakes fashion statements Father's Day fight scenes firearms flip flops fucking hipsters get-out-the-vote giveaways Glamour don'ts goat cheese gray coats grocery stores grr argh guest blogs Gylls and Grylls hands hands in new places hangovers Harrison Cheung He makes even the Apple Store look boring. hedgehogs Hey Jake if you show up in NYC next week you might get to meet Sam. historical losses for Britain Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry homework assignments hoodies How many times can I post this poster? HRH is an actual nickname of mine Hufflepuffs of interest I am awesome I know Jake Gyllenhaal's socks and those are not Jake Gyllenhaal's socks. I like the third one. I look forward to the day when Jake calls me a "badass chick" for wanting to meet an elusive celebrity. I wish it was me I'm as excited as Jake is about this photo opportunity. I'M PUBLISHED iambic pentameter if not for the feet I'd think these were all three the same picture immoral behavior improper fork safety in the news inappropriate pictures insurance policies interspecies births Is that a purse under his arm? it's a love story baby just say yes It's going to be hard for Jake to top this when he writes my birthday post next month. jail time Jake Gyllenhaal the Friendly Ghost who isn't dead. Jake Gyllenhaal's motorcycle Jake Watch Classic Jake's music video career Jake's sad life jellyfish Jesus large duffle bags lather rinse repeat lawn darts leather jackets legitimate movie news Leonardo DiCaprio Lifetime Achievement Awards lists lists made before Inception was released live blogs love is a force of nature luggage lycanthropy Mahmoud Ahmadinejad marijuana mastication May-December romances meatballs men from my sordid past merit badges merkins Middle Eastern comedy festivals monochromatic photo shoots morality issues motherfuckers comma sexy movie reviews my sad life name that emotion narcissism natural blonds nerds none of the men in this picture have any hair Obama's birth certificate oil spills opening days Oscar coverage outdated Prince of Persia news overload Paparazzi Bingo parking lots parkour demonstrations peace motherfucker pee Pee-wee Herman people who have lectured me at poetry readings Perez Hilton mockery personal personal grooming personal milestones PG's Greatest Hits Photoshopped pictures people consistently think are real pickled onions pigeons ping pong plaid playing hookie poetry polka dots popcorn posts I started 3 months ago and then forgot about posts PETA members probably shouldn't read proof that there's a market for Jake in adult movies Prophecy Girl will be back in the next post public appearances public parking public service announcements purposeful avoidance of Austin Nichols photos quote of the week real conversations with Jake Gyllenhaal reasons why I drink red delicious Russians of interest saliva Sam's 15 minutes are up and I needed a post to move him down the page sand children sandwiches Sarsy scheduling changes...and not science and shit scrambled eggs self-indulgently lengthy posts semi-automatic weapons seriously? Sesame Street shameless self-promotion shirtless men brackets sloppy eaters slow news days smoothies snot soccer social functions Barack wasn't invited to either Sock Watch socks spot the celebrity stalker applicants stalking techniques stampedes Starbucks product placement Stevey G stupid man suits stupidly long posts summer vacation Sunglasses suspicious behavior sword fights talk show interviews Team Edward technical difficulties text messages thank God I logged into Twitter before I went to bed that disgruntled flight attendant The Adventures of Pratt Trailhead the benefits of speed workouts the eve of Christmas Eve the eve of the eve of Christmas Eve The Rapture the times they are a-changing... these pictures have nothing to do with the Oscars things that are thrilling this entire event seemed garrishly pretentious Three Six Mafia thrilling fan encounters (mine) thrilling fan encounters (not mine) through the ages ties tiny Tom Cruise tongue (Jake's) too much Jake tornadoes translations triceps true dedication turn me on dead man Unabomber Uncle Jack Nasty underground transportation urban legends verbal abuse very serious topics wedding announcements welcome posts What you training for baby? while I was away white T-shirts whose idea wifebeaters Wild West outlaws will work for food wingardium leviosa winter collection worthless awards you gonna back that thing up or should I push up on it YouTube vidoes with "f***" in the title Zac Efron zippered jackets

Disclaimer: www.imstalkingjake.com is a blog for entertainment purposes only. This site is not affiliated with Jake Gyllenhaal. All content copyright © Becky Heineke 2010, 2011, unless otherwise stated. Do not reproduce without permission.

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