Probably the Most Stalker-Like Post I've Ever Put Up

Are you ready for this?  I hope so, because here are the last 24 hours of Jake Gyllenhaal's life.

24 hours ago: Jake gets fresh with a fan who isn't me.  What the hell, man:

17 hours ago:  I live blog Jake's appearance on The Daily Show.  Recap and video in THIS POST.  (Note - This is the best part of the past 24 hours of Jake's life.)

7 hours ago:  Jake's appearance on Good Morning, America causes stage hands to faint and news anchors to giggle like nervous schoolgirls:


6 hours ago:  Jake ruins everything on Live with Regis and Kelly by accidentally-on-purpose proposing to Kelly's stand-in for the day:


4 hours ago:  Jake is hit full-on by the raybeams of the devil-eyed cherub waiting for him outside of ABC's studios:

3 hours ago:  While eating my lunch, I pause for a moment of silence to give my due props to whatever intern it is who is in charge of captioning Daily Show videos on Facebook:

Currently: I am posting this blog entry. (Note - This is the second-best part of the past 24 hours of Jake's life.)

I am the best Jake reporter on Earth.  Fact.