Before we begin, I'd like to take a moment to discuss the subject of manners. I know that not everyone in the world thinks that Jake is the most important person on earth (poor, poor misguided souls though these people may be), but Jake's going to be doing several more interviews over the next few days. And if he's going to be doing interviews, he's going to be walking around quite a bit. And if he's going to be walking around, then people are going to be seeing him.
This is the proper response to seeing Jake Gyllenhaal moseying his little three-piece-suited ass down the streets of New York City:
And this is the improper response:
Now, also before we begin, we need to get our Daily Facebook question out of the way, so let's hear from Andy "I'm not afraid to publicly declare my love for Weird Al Yankovic" Roewe:
Oh can I get Gemma's phone number??????????? PLEASE :)
ANSWER: What kind of insane person would leave a question that wasn't for Jake?! I'm sorry, Andy, but I don't have time to deal with your crap tonight.
Is it 10:35 Central Standard Time yet? No? Dammit.
I'll be back then!
(I'm going to play a drinking game this week and you guys should play along! I'm going to drink two beers for every interview Jake does this week wearing the shirt he wore on this morning's GMA interview. That puts me at 4 beers so far. I figure the live-blogging will be much more entertaining if I'm mildly intoxicated.)
And I'm back.
Hell, let's throw another picture in here. 'Cause why not?
And here we go!
10:35 - Welcome to The Late Show with David Letterman! Which tonight will be known as The Late Show with David Letterman Who Is Very Lucky Because He Will Be Talking To Jake Gyllenhaal (And Also Dr. Edward B. Overton, Whoever That Is).
10:38 - Jake's competing with the Dalai Lama tonight apparently, in terms of evening entertainment in Manhattan.
10:41 - Am I really going to recap Dave's entire monologue? Probably not.
10:44 - We see a shot of Jake from the last time he was on Letterman, when it was 2007 and he had a caveman beard.
10:56 - "We'll be right back with Jake Gyllenhaal, everybody." WELL IT'S ABOUT TIME.
11:00 - It's Jake!
11:00 - Jake looks tiny as he shakes Dave's hand, but mostly because Dave is standing on a platform about six inches above the floor. Jake then milks the crowd for applause, because he's really into that today.
11:01 - On to the history of the Gyllenhaal family. Dave asks Jake about being born into his acting career and Jake admits that yes, "I was forced into it like slavery."
11:02 - Dave tells Jake he doesn't care about his family.
11:02 - Dave tells the same story of meeting Jake's parents from the last time Jake was there, and Jake will have none of that.
11:03 - Jake brings up a fictional Uncle Larry and Dave about dies of laughter.
11:04 - Stephen! Every time Jake goes on Letterman, Stephen somehow gets thrown into the mix. We're all of 4 minutes in and the tradition continues. (I think Dave might be fascinated by him, and I kinda want to tell him that I understand but he will eventually get over it.)
11:04 - Jake mentions Russia and he's laughing in such a manner that I'm expecting some reference to the Club Scene of YouTube Fame any minute now!
11:05 - But, um, I guess we're not going there. Jake informs us that after reading some totally random book, he learned that Russians don't like people to laugh or smile. Upon learning this, Jake was horrified, because he's incapable of doing anything but either, all of the time.
11:07 - And here are pictures of himself which he has brought to share. The first one is a MUGSHOT. Of Jake in a Russian getup. Where is my screenshot of this already?!
Morning update: Thank you, gyllenhaalic4jake!!
11:07 - Shot of Jake and a Russian Homer Simpson in front of the Kremlin.
11:08 - Shot of Jake scowling into a plate of food at his "favorite Russian restaurant." (All of these are way too funny in execution for me to increase their humor value by making fun of them.)
11:08 - Talk of the corrupt Russian government. Jake says he cannot confirm. Is this because he's been corrupted by the government?
11:09 - Prince of Persia recap. ALSO, Jake confirms what I said earlier about him actually having a dagger that turns back time.
11:10 - Jake admits that Disney defiled ancient buildings to build magical sets for Prince of Persia.
11:10 - Jake introduces the clip. And...
11:12 - ...we're back.
11:12 - And we're done! Dave wishes Jake well with his acting career.
That was very intense! And with no drawn-out story of ridiculousness from Jake, either, but rather a myriad of topics covered in a consistently amusing manner! My live-blogging skills are a bit rusty, I think, but overall a good time was had by all.
And now I have to go to bed.
Picture of man mock-gaping at Jake's svelte, lithe body from celebrity-gossip.net.