Monday, August 29, 2011

Jake Shows Trademark Happiness to be Associating with Fans

I feel like, in this picture, we're getting a glimpse of what Jake is going to look like when he's old.  (And when he is old, he will look no less thrilled to be in the company of fans than when he was young.)


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Jake Gyllenhaal Forced to Touch Dirt and "Interact" with Children for Television

Look up the word "nepotism" in the dictionary and you'll find a picture of Jenna Bush Hager clutching a microphone for the Today Show.  For Christ's sake, she sounds like a damn first grader reading a book report every time she does a segment. 

I will, however, give her props for always seeming to choose her stories based on which celebrities she'll get to interview, and not because she has any real interest in what she's reporting about.  That type of blatant abuse of power to further her own interests is exactly the sort of thing I would do if I were in her position...

In the segment below, you will see children lie about loving kale.  You will see Jake Gyllenhaal tell us heretofore-unheard childhood stories about harvesting his dinner like a sharecropper.  And you will see the fun of eating a pizza ruined by making it about math:


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Jake Gyllenhaal Really Just Looks Like Shit in this Picture

He's looking better in this one:

But then, no, shit again:

What is it with him and long, trailing dribbles of spit lately?

Dude.  Not attractive.

Just a reminder that you can still enter this fabulous contest to win a copy of my fabulous book.  If nothing else, consider it an excuse to watch some of Jake's movies again to figure out the answers to the quiz!  (And don't act like you have better things to do than watch DVDs, either, because I know you don't.)

In other news...HA HA HA, what am I talking about, THERE IS NO NEWS.  Except I'm leaving for the beach tomorrow.  Aren't you jealous?  You should be.


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Want to Win a Copy of My Book?

Of course you do.  Then enter THIS CONTEST.

Do it.  No, seriously.  Enter or Jake Motherfucking Gyllenhaal will put a cap in yo' ass.

I would like to extend a huge, heartfelt thank you to Alice at Jake Gyllenhaal's World, who has done so much with her blog and whose idea it was to do something a little special to get us through the dog days of summer.  She even wrote all the questions even though I said I would help but then didn't because I'm a horrible person.  Thank you, Alice!

P.S.  I see IHJ has a new layout for the first time since 2006 (!).  And it sort of looks like Jake is attempting to sever his jugular right in front of us, which makes it pretty damn spectacular in terms of layouts.  You should check it out if you haven't already.


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