Look, it's my two favorite Gyllenhaal men at the L.A. premiere of Source Code! I am 100% positive that this picture depicts them lamenting the fact that I did not win the ACLU auction which would have granted me access to this event. Both Jake and Stephen are VERY BIG FANS of mine and I'm sure they were shocked/disappointed to show up and find that I was not in attendance.
It really isn't a party unless I'm there...
But I'm here now, which can only mean one thing: Daily Show party.
By the way, this is a direct transcript of the closer from last night's Daily Show:
Jon Stewart: "That's our show. Join us tomorrow night at 11:00; Jake Gyllenhaal will be our guest, with his team of.."
Audience Member: "Awww."
Jon Stewart: "Really? Awww? You just saw...you just saw a guy that in five years is going to have paralyzed people walking down a fucking street, and you're upset...you're upset 'cause you didn't get to see the Prince of Persia?"
Just when I think it is not humanly possible for me to love Jon Stewart more...
And here we go!
10:01 - Jon informs us that we are about to watch a very exciting show! Jake Gyllenhaal's "future wife" is in the audience and "she's almost of legal age." Oh, really? His future wife? How interesting. Let's see...do I have any advice for this young lass? Yes. Yes, I do. My advice is: Stuff it, bitch, and talk to me when you've written a book and spent five years of your life promoting his sorry ass all over the internet, 'kay?
10:14 - How awesome would it be if we could merge John Hodgman and Jake Gyllenhaal into one formidably hilarious/attractive man-person...OH GOD DID I TYPE THAT OUT LOUD?
10:20 - Source Code ad. That's timely.
10:21: Source Code clip. And it's a new one! Jake looks very confused. Probably because of all of the music being pumped into his ears. (Then again, sometimes his face just looks like that.)
10:22 - Why, it's Jake Gyllenhaal! What a surprise!
10:22 - Jake buttons, unbuttons, sits down, stands up, sits down. And with each movement he makes, his voice goes up an octave. Jon notes this and then Jake begins repeating everything Jon says, word-for-word. You know, watching it, it didn't seem so bad, but writing it out like that makes Jake seem really damn annoying.
10:22 - "This movie looks very good," says Jon Stewart, with genuine surprise in his voice.
10:23 - Jake claims that he has actually been hosting The Daily Show because he's in the Source Code or something. I feel like perhaps this level of comedy is too cerebral for the people in the audience who just learned what this movie was about sixteen seconds ago.
10:23 - OH MY GOD, that "future wife" girl is getting pimped out by Jon Stewart.
10:24 - Apparently, during the pre-show banter with Jon (which Prophecy Girl remembers well from that one time she was in the audience of The Daily Show - see I'm Stalking Jake! The Book for more), this girl asked the question, "Will Jake Gyllenhaal marry me?"
10:24 - Jake says...he'll think about it. Wait! What?! NO! You say NO to that girl, Jake! You shoot her down and crush her dreams! That's the Jake Gyllenhaal way!
10:24 - Jon starts asking Jake a lot of personal questions about his love life and Jake dodges each and every one the way only Jake can. (This is why people think he's gay.) (That, and because Ted Casablanca has based the past six years of his career around it.)
10:24 (still) - Because Jon can't let it go, he asks Jake if he's ever fallen in love at first sight. (Um, obviously not because he's seen me.) Jake says that he did one time. The moment he was born. With his mother. The audience seems to think that's cute instead of being somewhat weird and uncomfortable.
10:25 - Oh, wait. Jon Stewart thinks it's somewhat weird and uncomfortable. "My guess is that's because she let you get to second base." BAM.
10:25 - More standing and buttoning. Then they talk some about the water in Jake's coffee mug and I guess a pipe blew in the studio... Blah, blah...
10:26 - Back to Source Code! Oh, wait. No. Back to Prince of Persia. My God, the look on Jake's face when he hears that Jon has been playing the video game with his son...it's the look of a man who thinks his movie based on that very video game should not have bombed the way it did.
10:27 - Hey, let's talk about Ubisoft and Montreal like that has anything to do with anything.
10:27 - Back to Source Code! Oh, wait. No. Back to basketball.
10:27 - Earlier today, I thought about writing up a drinking game for this interview, with the only rule being to down an entire beer in one gulp when Jon and Jake started talking about sports. Had I gone through with it, I would have been chugging right about now.
10:27 - Jake mentions that he was on Conan the other night and called him the "Abraham Lincoln of talk show hosts." I wrote it down when he said it but, in editing my recap, I didn't really think it was worth including. In a similar fashion, I'm not sure it's worth including that he calls Jon Stewart the "Spud Webb of talk show hosts," because I don't know who that is.
10:28 - Jon calls Jake the "Jake Gyllenhaal of movies" and that is the best way to end an interview ever.
HOT DAMN. My shoulder's all cramped up now over all that typing whilst looking over at the television. It is a hard, hard life that I lead...
As a reminder: Jake will be on Good Morning, America tomorrow AND Live with Regis and Kelly. I will not be live blogging those, but I'm probably good for a YouTube video later on (provided these things make it to YouTube)...
ALSO, important announcement for those in the UK: Please watch The Movie Show tomorrow (Thursday) on ITV2 at 16:10! And pay very close attention to the pop-ups. And then come back here and excitedly tell me all about it. :)