OH do we have some catching up to do from yesterday, people.
But we'll get to that. First things first. Regis and Kelly! Here we go...
9:01 - From the "action-adventure movie" Prince of Persia, JAKE GYLLENHAAL. Everyone in the audience today is young and female.
9:04 - They're talking about Dancing with the Stars and Glee. As if "other things in pop culture" are of any consequence when Jake is right there in the studio. How can these people even concentrate?!
9:10 - We're still on Dancing with the Stars.
9:18 - Regis flashes us Jake's GQ cover. Kelly admits, with much melodramatic sighing, that she's very happy with the Prince of Persia movie poster.
9:19 - There's a woman in the audience who wrote a play called Graceland. Is this a shout-out to me in Memphis? PROBABLY.
9:24 - Jake Gyllenhaal coming up next...
9:27 - It's Jake!
9:27 - Kelly calls him "very handsome." Stop underselling him, Kelly!
9:28 - Jake reassures an intense Regis that he tries to be a "good uncle" to his niece, even though he neglects her by never visiting her in Brooklyn.
9:28 - Regis brings up Maggie's Oscar nomination and this is basically the exact same conversation as was had on Letterman...
9:28 - Jake gets weepy reminiscing about his childhood. Maggie used to torment him by forcing him to lap milk from a bowl while she sang hits from the Broadway musical Cats. Maggie still treats Jake this way.
9:29 - Commercial already!
9:33 - We're back.
9:33 - Regis laughs heartily at Jake's Prince of Persia costume, because he thinks it's even gayer than Brokeback Mountain.
9:34 - Jake reveals that it was nothing but devout prayer that paved the way for his implausibly overpumped muscles.
9:34 - Jake defines parkour as "free running." (I will be keeping a running tally of how many different ways he defines this word this week. We're currently 2 for 2.)
9:35 - 9:36 - Prince of Persia clip...
9:36 - That one minute clip took about a month to film. 'But there's more to the scene!' Jake protests, as if that makes it any less crazy that it took a full month to film one tiny piece of this enormous movie.
9:36 - Regis says "good luck" and that's it. But not before Kelly totally macks on Jake.