Monday, January 10, 2011

BREAKING: People Continue to Find Blurry Subway Pictures of Jake Fascinating


To the blinding joy of mankind as a whole, Jake Gyllenhaal was on a subway one time (last week) and a fellow passenger had the foresight to snap his picture and then share it with the entire internet.

Considering the excitement that picture stirred, it is no wonder that when another picture surfaced mere days later, even those outside of the Jake fan community found it difficult to contain the deep emotion that was stirred by such a riveting sight.


What follows is a sample of actual comments from around the internet about this latest subway pic:

"Ugh. He's doing a pole lean. I hate pole leaners. He's too good to share the pole with others? Does he even realize that he's taking up a good 18" of pole space?  It might be fairly empty so the offense is somewhat dismissed. But still. I hate him more now."

"Ugh . . . take off your sunglasses, you are indoors."

"Oh yes! Oh fucking yes!"

"Oh yes. Oh fucking yes."

Re previous quote:  "Jinx!!" 

"Why haven't we gathered with pitchforks and torches in search of Jake's Brooklyn residence?"

"I would have Taylored myself to make him Swiftly turn his gaze on me."

"I'd Gyll en his haal, that's for sure.

"HE'S SO NORMAL AND PERFECT AND DREAMY."  (Editor's note:  I would agree with one of those adjectives.)

"knows how to pull off a backpack!

"that makes him even sexier than he already is"

"If I had been on that Q train, I would've never gotten off of it for the rest of my life."

"Hot and cool at the same time. Mmmm. But he looks so vulnerable and exposed doing this. [...] I get the feeling there's something going on with Jake--soul searching, healing wounds, that kind of thing. A lot of his contemporaries (Ryan Gosling, Natalie Portman, James Franco, Michelle Williams) are doing really well, in big films, with nominations and awards. Maybe there's some professional jealousy or career confusion going on."

"Couldn't someone have the decency to get up and give him their seat? What is wrong with this city."

"Sweet backpack, loser!"

Re previous quote:  "Yeah man, look at that fucking piece of shit nerd using that sensible portable device to carrying objects in without opening himself up to the possibility of spinal curvature. What a total asshole."

"I just let out an audible gasp, and now I'm really mad that I missed this."

"lol at bum sleeping next to him, oblivious to the sex god casually standing inches away from him."

"i'm starting a fan club for the 'guy in the yellow hoodie'"

"I might've fainted if i was there..."

"the sunglasses give it away..."

"Why is he wearing that stupid man suit?"

"you all need a life "

Sources:  one, two, three, four, five, six, seven  (There are over 2 million results when you Google "jake gyllenhaal subway."  Things such as this are the reason why, in the early days, I assumed that the news that I had written a book featuring him would spread quickly.  But no.  Absolutely nothing.  One blurry subway picture, though?  GOLD.)

44 comments:

joelliea January 10, 2011 at 10:26 AM  

L-O-L.

That's all I can say about the pics, the comments about the pics, and to your absolutely amusing post.

Vanessa January 10, 2011 at 10:30 AM  

LMFAO!!! I especially like the next to last comment, "Why is he wearing that stupid man suit?" Perfect.

Great post, PG. & I think I totally want to chime in with the last comment, "you all need a life ". ^_^

Monica January 10, 2011 at 10:46 AM  

Very funny, PG!

I love the first photo!

coffeecat January 10, 2011 at 11:37 AM  

Perhaps you should post a blurry picture of your book on the internet?

phoebe,  January 10, 2011 at 2:11 PM  

LMAO! Most awesome thing ever.

Call Me Mo January 10, 2011 at 2:46 PM  

How can somebody possibly gather that he's "soul searching" from damn picture?! All I see is a guy leaning against a pole messing on his phone. Not much else to it. People are something else.

Sasha,  January 10, 2011 at 3:45 PM  

L O L

Ok I know it's bad but I kinda like those subway pictures ... so beautifully not glamorous :)

Monica January 10, 2011 at 4:11 PM  

Call Me Mo, agree with you.

Prophecy Girl January 10, 2011 at 7:47 PM  

I third your sentiment, Mo! Like somehow this one, out of focus subway picture has given us a glimpse into his soul. Dear. God.

I have to say the one that made me actually laugh out loud was the guy defending Jake's use of a backpack (!!!). HAHAHA people are ridiculous.

(CC - COMMENT WIN. :D)

KD,  January 10, 2011 at 10:15 PM  

BIGGEST PET PEEVE - WEARING SUNGLASSES INSIDE.

Nothing Really Matters January 12, 2011 at 7:12 AM  

Darling this is fab!

Here's me thinking I had an eye problem or had one to many Gins!

britpopbaby,  January 26, 2011 at 2:04 PM  

LOVE.

Obviously my favourite comment is the second to last.

Linna,  January 29, 2011 at 1:53 PM  

LMFAO! HOW did I miss this post?! Seriously, what kind of a blog reader am I?! Shame on me.

Hilarious is the only way to put it. Soul searching. Indeed.

And yes, you'd think a book about him would be some competition for the blurry subway pics. Maybe people don't think they'll be able to see his soul as well in your book as they apparently do in his subway rides? What the hell do I know? - except for what's been established by your quoted comments; people are wierd.

BeautifulMess74 March 24, 2011 at 7:27 AM  

I think coffee cat is right. A blurry pic of your book in the subway w/sunglasses on and a stupid man suit on, would tots do the trick. Oh and don't forget the sensible backpack--gotta protect that paperback spine, after all.

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