To the blinding joy of mankind as a whole, Jake Gyllenhaal was on a subway one time (last week) and a fellow passenger had the foresight to snap his picture and then share it with the entire internet.
Considering the excitement that picture stirred, it is no wonder that when another picture surfaced mere days later, even those outside of the Jake fan community found it difficult to contain the deep emotion that was stirred by such a riveting sight.
What follows is a sample of actual comments from around the internet about this latest subway pic:
"Ugh. He's doing a pole lean. I hate pole leaners. He's too good to share the pole with others? Does he even realize that he's taking up a good 18" of pole space? It might be fairly empty so the offense is somewhat dismissed. But still. I hate him more now."
"Ugh . . . take off your sunglasses, you are indoors."
"Oh yes! Oh fucking yes!"
"Oh yes. Oh fucking yes."
Re previous quote: "Jinx!!"
"Why haven't we gathered with pitchforks and torches in search of Jake's Brooklyn residence?"
"I would have Taylored myself to make him Swiftly turn his gaze on me."
"I'd Gyll en his haal, that's for sure.
"HE'S SO NORMAL AND PERFECT AND DREAMY." (Editor's note: I would agree with one of those adjectives.)
"knows how to pull off a backpack!
"that makes him even sexier than he already is"
"If I had been on that Q train, I would've never gotten off of it for the rest of my life."
"Hot and cool at the same time. Mmmm. But he looks so vulnerable and exposed doing this. [...] I get the feeling there's something going on with Jake--soul searching, healing wounds, that kind of thing. A lot of his contemporaries (Ryan Gosling, Natalie Portman, James Franco, Michelle Williams) are doing really well, in big films, with nominations and awards. Maybe there's some professional jealousy or career confusion going on."
"Couldn't someone have the decency to get up and give him their seat? What is wrong with this city."
"Sweet backpack, loser!"
Re previous quote: "Yeah man, look at that fucking piece of shit nerd using that sensible portable device to carrying objects in without opening himself up to the possibility of spinal curvature. What a total asshole."
"I just let out an audible gasp, and now I'm really mad that I missed this."
"lol at bum sleeping next to him, oblivious to the sex god casually standing inches away from him."
"i'm starting a fan club for the 'guy in the yellow hoodie'"
"I might've fainted if i was there..."
"the sunglasses give it away..."
"Why is he wearing that stupid man suit?"
"you all need a life "
Sources: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven (There are over 2 million results when you Google "jake gyllenhaal subway." Things such as this are the reason why, in the early days, I assumed that the news that I had written a book featuring him would spread quickly. But no. Absolutely nothing. One blurry subway picture, though? GOLD.)