Jake Strangles Elmo, Horrifies Children Everywhere

It's the cold, placid smile as he does it that I find most disturbing...

So I...had to go away for awhile.  None of us like to talk about it.  But there were a few weeks, or, er, months...alright years...when I wasn't covering Jake news.  In that time, Jake mainly just drank coffee, walked on sidewalks, and hung out with some blonde woman (I don't know her name) to make sure I didn't miss anything of importance during the hiatus.  But there were a few things of genuine interest that I wasn't there to cover.  There was a music video or two, Stephen started blogging (...really?), and there's a crazy rumor going around that there was a movie about brothers or something...

Obviously I'll have to go back and report on all this stuff, but not before I cover the most shocking incident that occurred in my absence, and that is the concerning trend of Jake strangling muppets on children's television.  He not only did it above, he did it below:


The octopus survived, but sustained injuries.  Elmo?  Not so lucky.

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