Sunday, February 27, 2011

Jake Gyllenhaal Looking a Bit Sleazy as He Invites You to Watch the Oscars Tonight

Jake Gyllenhaal, who is one smoking jacket away from being Hugh Hefner in the picture above, will be presenting an award tonight at the Oscars, something that no doubt every person reading this blog already knows. 

This year's Oscars are extra-exciting because they are aimed toward The Youth.  People who are young, in general, do not care about self-important, four-hour ceremonies where a snobby and exclusive set of "professionals" sit around congratulating themselves for convincingly acting like they are something they're not.  BUT, people who are young do like the James Franco and the Anne Hathaway, which is why they've been tagged as hosts this evening.

Your author, whose general feelings about the Academy Awards have been documented both in her book and in the paragraph preceding this one, is genuinely interested (for once) in watching this year to see if she is swayed by this blatant attempt to seduce her demographic.  Unfortunately, though, she's going to miss the entire thing because she has to catch a flight to Hogwarts this evening.

So she's going to leave you in the able hands of Jake.  And his award.  Which he will be presenting right after he attempts to lure you into your computer screen using only the power of his eyeballs...


Wednesday, February 23, 2011

BREAKING: Jake Gyllenhaal Looking Exactly the Same as He Always Has


Saturday, February 19, 2011

People at WFT Comically Continue to Think that I Care

I keep getting these comments from the readers of Waiting for Toothy (now Waiting for Toothy 2) to stay away from their site.  Er...

1.  The WFT/Jake Watch rivalry was between the two individuals who started each site, neither of whom is active in the fanbase anymore.  Whatever inherent competition there was between them left when they did.

2.  I have a book to sell.  I'm looking for work.  I have another blog to keep up with.  My social life is a soap opera.  And I have a half marathon coming up a week from today and I'm freaking out because I can't train at the moment on account of debilitating shin splints.

I don't mean to be disrespectful or to insult anyone, but there are entire days that go by when I don't think about Jake Gyllenhaal, and I think it's pretty goddamned presumptuous of anyone to assume that I am taking time out of my life to read what they're writing about him, much less taking the time to write something in response.

Sorry, but I didn't care that much about WFT even during the height of it all.

But if I did care, what I'd tell you is that Ted Casablanca is a douche and all of you need to get a life.

The end.


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Jake Pops Collar, "Works It" for Photographers

Alternate headline:  Jake Gyllenhaal Drops Magnum on Unsuspecting Paparazzo

(Any other former Gilded Moose readers out there?  There used to be a great recurring segment there called "When Paparazzi Express Their Creativity" which this picture...may or may not have qualified for.  I've often wondered what happened to that blog...)


Saturday, February 12, 2011

Jake Inconveniently Disappears, Leaving Me Nothing to Post About

Yeah, I got nothing.  NO-THING.  No pictures, no ideas, no news, nothing.



Friday, February 4, 2011

Jake Spends Week Spreading His Dirty Germs All Over the Damn Place in Public



Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Anne Hathaway Lives Out Dream of Every Woman on Earth

Actually, that headline was just a nice way of saying, "Goddamn you, Anne Hathaway."

(Sister post on my other blog.)

Pic from Vanity Fair cover shoot (thank you, Vanessa!).  Cropping job by Monica. :)


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