Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Jake Gyllenhaal Through the Ages

Jake Gyllenhaal!  He sure is a studly, full-grown adult male.

But he wasn't always that way.  Much as we'd like to think that he sprang forth into existence in his current form, this is sadly not so.  Like the rest of us, he was once younger, and has gone through some awkward stages.  But what makes Jake special is that unlike us, his youthful awkwardness is documented in photographs available for all the world to see!

So today, I thought we'd take a look back at

Jake Gyllenhaal Through the Ages:  
A Brief History, Because He Used to be (Even) Dorkier

1980 - Jake Gyllenhaal is born.  We have no photographic evidence to prove it, but his continued existence suggests that his birth did, indeed, happen.

1988 -  At the tender age of 7, Jake performs "Born in the USA" for his father, who decides to video tape it and many, many years later submit it to a late night talk show.  Fans the world over lay awake every night wondering why there are screencaps of this, but no video...

1991 - A 10-year-old Jake is cast in City Slickers, giving the public their first glimpse of the boy who would one day be Jake Gyllenhaal.  Barely into the double-digits, Jake already shows signs of being a heartbreaker.

1994 - Father Stephen directs an episode of "Homocide:  Life on the Street," and, by a totally random and unrelated coincidence, a 13-year-old Jake guest stars.  He's such an awkward child that Stephen insists he hide his face in a wall for most of the time he's on screen.

Sometime in the 1990s - Jake graduates to puberty!  Experimenting with bold wardrobe choices, he walks into this photo shoot, which is undated and no one knows what it was for, except to embarrass him later in life.

1999 - Watch out, he's legal!  At 18, Jake lands his first lead role in the movie October Sky.  Despite this break, he still looks more like your lab partner from sophomore biology than a movie star.

2000 - Once a Lakers fan, always a Lakers fan, Jake greets the new millennium with the same hairstyle he's now had for half of his life.  This year is the turning point for him.  Really, it could have either gone up or down from here...

2001 - But it goes up!  As his career begins to take off, Jake thinks, 'Hey, maybe I'll go goth for a while, because that makes sense.'  Indeed, despite the dye job, the new look is an improvement.

2002 - Career on fire after a series of movies in which he seduces women twice his age, Jake loses the Converse (but keeps the cowlick).  He's now famous enough to hang out with mega-stars, like Macaulay Culkin, and party mega-hard, like drinking all the Evian he can handle.  I sense we're on the verge of making a breakthrough...


2004 - 2009 - Jake makes a bunch of movies and develops the ability to grow facial hair.

2010 - As he marches steadily towards 30, Jake is now walking around looking like this:

And that, my friends, is everything you ever needed to know about Jake's progression to adulthood.

WHEW.  Indeed, it was a long and difficult journey as he grew into his man-self...but as the saying goes, anything worth doing is worth doing well.

City Slickers pic from HERE.  Link and YouTube video thanks to Leslie. :)


gyllenhaalisgr8 June 22, 2010 at 8:57 PM  

My dear friend, you made my night, and with a few photos even I have not seen! But your narrative is priceless and I bow down to you!

Becky Heineke June 22, 2010 at 9:42 PM  

There was definitely a sense of satisfaction when I hit "publish" on this one. ;) At last, my encyclopedic knowledge of the IHJ archives comes to good use!

Call Me Mo June 23, 2010 at 12:34 AM  

Call me crazy, but my thirteen year old self would've gone bananas over thirteen year old Jake.

Sam June 23, 2010 at 1:06 AM  

So, would anyone agree that Jake was super cute when he was 7, but is definately without a doubt getting better with age??!!

This, is the exact moment i fell head over heals.... I was at work putting away the magazines and this one fell to the ground...

2004 Jake wasnt so bad either!

Loved it PG!

Anonymous,  June 23, 2010 at 4:45 AM  

hahahaha. i love this! great job on the captions and photos.

is jake g's dads twitter for real?

Becky Heineke June 23, 2010 at 7:34 AM  

^^^ There's more than one "Stephen" on Twitter, but THIS GUY is the real deal. ;)

Sam, THAT is precisely the reason why I had to stop the pictures at 2003. ;D Suddenly all those years of awkwardness vanished without a trace...

Anonymous,  June 23, 2010 at 10:04 AM  

Ha! Ha! Ha! This is awsome! And you're so right about that Born in the USA video, how come no one recorded it, I'd love to see it.

It's pretty incredible to see that the "Sometime in the 1990's" Jake became the devastatingly hot and handsome Jake we see now. I bet he'll get even better looking in his thirties. Not sure how I will survive that. :)


Anonymous,  June 23, 2010 at 1:22 PM  

the video at the end is SO Freaking cute. His voice is so adorable. = Happydogblog

Unknown June 23, 2010 at 3:45 PM  

Great job!
Loved the pics :) Yes, Jake is definitely getting hotter with age..
You made my day :D

Take care..

Becky Heineke June 23, 2010 at 4:23 PM  

Thank you, Tandia! I had a lot of fun putting this post together. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!! :D

Leslie June 23, 2010 at 4:52 PM  

I am now 100% convinced he's had a nose job - you can definitely tell from pretty much all of the photos compared to the last one. It's not so wide and the tip is definitely thinner and shaped. Oh well, it's not a huge difference and it makes him look good. :)

Sam June 23, 2010 at 5:17 PM  

Well spotted Leslie. I think i might have to agree with you a little bit! Im definately not complaining tho!!!

KD,  June 23, 2010 at 9:42 PM  

I don't think he got a nose job. I just think it's better angling, lighting, and makeup. IMHO of course.

NGL, I'm a much bigger fan of 2001 Jake and 2004-2006 Jake, but his current look ain't bad either! I was definitely not digging his wolfman days though...

He looks a lot different with lighter hair...

KD,  June 23, 2010 at 9:42 PM  

Oh, and *bows x 1000* Thank you for this wonderful post. Made my day!

Ania June 23, 2010 at 9:51 PM  

These pictures are amazing!:) Does it say something bad about me that I find the third photo just as adorable as the last one?;)

And PG I love how you can come up with posts (as SMASHING as this one:D) even on those days when there's nothing really going on with Jake. As much as I love me some fresh photos of Jake I think I like 'slow news days' posts even more :)

PS.Once again sorry for my english!

Becky Heineke June 23, 2010 at 10:21 PM  

KD, crazy you should say that...I converted in 2005 and, honest to God, ever since I've been telling people I wish I'd found Jake sooner. I have a real affection for the early years, when he was goofier and not as famous. I love him now, too, but he's definitely a "movie star," and he's lost that vulnerability that he had when he was younger. If only I'd been on top of things and jumped on the bandwagon sooner! :)

And Ania, SERIOUSLY, never apologize for your perfect English!! :D And thank you so much...I actually LOVE the slow days. I like not having to worry if I'm getting the news out ahead of anyone and can instead just run with an idea. I'm glad you liked the post because I definitely liked writing it! :D

Paula,  August 16, 2010 at 8:30 AM  

ahhh I'm loving the goth moment in his life... COR!!!!!
I'm a goth, and WOW... Tho I'm not liking the coat at all. Lol it kinda looks like he bought it in like IKEA... Do ikea sell coats??? Ah I've just confused myself! Either way, Jake can pull of anything !

PG your posts are amazing! Never stop! :D

Paula,  August 16, 2010 at 8:34 AM  

I've loved Jake since bubble boy came out! Lol tho I was so young my sister and I had a 'crush' on him... For years we continued to call him bubble boy, "oh bubble boys looking hot in that" and then like last year I decided to learn his name! And so, the obscession began...

PG your posts seriously make me smile! :D they are truely brilliant! Lol lol

Anonymous,  January 23, 2013 at 1:07 PM  

I definitely think both Jake and his sister had their schnazes done, Maggie at least twice. but Jake definitely did have a nose job. I just don't see the attraction for him, I have never found him attractive at all. There's something odd about his face. I think him and his sister just both have something odd about their face. monkey face? I don't see how he can be a heartthrob.

Becky Heineke March 14, 2013 at 10:17 AM  

^^^ That's such a bizarre and random comment to leave on a Jake Gyllenhaal website.

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