Monday, June 6, 2011

Jake Gyllenhaal Awarded the LAPD Medal of Valor!

(No, he wasn't.)

Okay, I am sorry.  I AM SORRY.  Because I know this was clearly an important event in someone's life, but I don't have a goddamned CLUE why the FUCK Jake was at the LAPD Medal of Valor Ceremony except maybe this is tied to his cop movie (which doesn't come out until sometime next year, so why bother) and this picture is SO AWKWARD.

The fishbowl angle, the fact that Jake is wearing fucking cop sunglasses and none of the actual cops are (dude, get over yourself), and for Christ's sake, I know I already made a homoerotic police officer post but JESUS.  The hand placement!

All of which is a long way of saying, A GOLD STAR to the person who comes up with the best story for this picture.  Extra points for incorporating the nametags and a point deduction to anyone who ruins it by telling us the exact details behind the photo.

(Kidding - again - on the last.  I would love to hear why Jake was actually there.)


Call Me Mo June 7, 2011 at 11:14 AM  

No one has had a go yet? Well the way I see it...

Jake's dad had an affair with the lady with red dress many a years ago. The guy in the cop uniform is Jake's secret love child half-brother. Naturally, you always go to your secret half-brother's Medal of Valor ceremony. The half-brother invited his uncle, Mom and not-Dad to rejoice in the fact that Jake showed up and wanted to have the moment forever on film. The end.

Anonymous,  June 7, 2011 at 12:01 PM  

Looks like Jake was but one of many actors asked to attend this ceremony in order to read/re-create the events that led to the 10 officers that are recipients of this year's award. I'd consider this a pretty big honor for him to be asked to do this.

Website HERE.

Becky Heineke June 7, 2011 at 9:01 PM  

I almost thought that I had finally written a post about Jake that LITERALLY NO ONE WOULD COMMENT ON. Since that was not my intention, I'm glad to see I didn't scare absolutely *everyone* away... :)

Mo. PERFECT. GOLD STAR. (Seriously, that was utterly brilliant.)

And thank you, anon. :) I'm sure it was an honor, though seeing that Michael Pena's name was *also* on that guest list makes me feel not-even-remotely bad for the End of Watch crack. ;)

ATD June 8, 2011 at 6:18 AM  

It was a marketing ploy by Jake's peeps... they wanted to prove that the Gyllenhaal could make anything look good.... they failed!

And just who dressed the big guy? The blue shirt / beige pants combo is almost forgivable, but the yellow tie and black shoes. The poor woman is clearly concerned that she is going to be imortalised on film next to him, her pensive (or panic stricken) look shows that she is pondering the option of either running in fear of her life, or giving him her shoes

henner777,  June 8, 2011 at 7:18 AM  

Obviously a fish was on it's way to a swingers party and interrupts the moment when people are deciding which partners to commit with. Jake swiftly puts his arm around the police guy, not that he doesn't like fish but the other yellow tie guy looks too manly, and Jake doesn't want to be the bitch this time.The policeman looks pretty pleased at Jakes decision. The yellow tie man wants a threeway with Jake and his wife, because he hopes to spice things up in the bedroom, she has been a depressive alcoholic for 4 years. That is her eighth glass of wine that evening.
The guy on the left has a look of love on his face. He sees the fish looking at him. Later that night the fish and him make passionate love.
The End.

Sam June 8, 2011 at 7:02 PM  

Ohhh this is fun but i SUCK at this sorta stuff and you guys have done a great job!

Becky Heineke June 11, 2011 at 11:17 AM  

henner777 definitely gets the creativity prize, along with bonus points for opening the story with "obviously." HA!!

ATD, I propose you be in charge of following along behind Jake and making sure he is never photographed with anyone who isn't impeccably well-dressed. It is an embarrassment to the man Jake is that he should have to be seen in the company of such tie-and-shoes combinations...

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