Jake Gyllenhaal Forced to Touch Dirt and "Interact" with Children for Television

Look up the word "nepotism" in the dictionary and you'll find a picture of Jenna Bush Hager clutching a microphone for the Today Show.  For Christ's sake, she sounds like a damn first grader reading a book report every time she does a segment. 

I will, however, give her props for always seeming to choose her stories based on which celebrities she'll get to interview, and not because she has any real interest in what she's reporting about.  That type of blatant abuse of power to further her own interests is exactly the sort of thing I would do if I were in her position...

In the segment below, you will see children lie about loving kale.  You will see Jake Gyllenhaal tell us heretofore-unheard childhood stories about harvesting his dinner like a sharecropper.  And you will see the fun of eating a pizza ruined by making it about math:

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