Jon Stewart + Jake Gyllenhaal is an equation in which the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, and that whole is greater than all other wholes EXCEPT the whole formed when the sum is Jon Stewart + Brian Williams. (Note to any newcomers: This is a very intellectual blog.) But when Jake Gyllenhaal was announced as Jon Stewart's Daily Show guest on Facebook two weeks ago, some of the commenters weren't excited! Because they are dumb.
These are things that people actually wrote, two weeks ago, under their real names, on the internet, about Jake being on The Daily Show:
"Getting Conan's sloppy seconds, are we?"
"Wurdz word of the day is Circulate! Say the word Circulate out loud and you are able to hear the word Sir for 1 point. Tell me the other words you can hear in Circulate for additional points."
"Wait ...ya mean a more action filled Donnie Darko...starring....Donnie Darko?"
"i dont know, darko vs prince?"
"Donny darko in the flesh"
"And its Donnie darko"
"Jake? No, I think you mean Toby McGuire will be on the show. Wait yeah Jake. No, it's Toby. I'm not sure actually. I can't tell them apart. They both think acting has something to do with boring the audience till they fall asleep."
"How many bad movies can a man make? Ice Storm was the last good one.
"Ha ha,,I remember years back Jon told his audience not to go and see Jake's movie about NYC being destroyed by ocean waves!" [Yeah, I'm sure this person just happened to remember this. Stop stealing from my blog, bitch.]
"He was in that movie that turned me gay."
"Why Jake!!??Why did you dump Taylor Swift!?Don't make all your new women pay for Reese's sins!!!...By the way I loved Love and other drugs.
"I hope he is shirtless."
OH THE MASSES. They should all be mocked for their insolence and poor grammar.