Friday, August 27, 2010

Tragedy Befalls the Shirtless Men Bracket Community

Jake Gyllenhaal has, horrifyingly, been brutalized by the voting populace of PopSugar, getting only a dismal 33% of the vote and losing (losing!) his chance to go head to head for the coveted title of Shirtless Man Who Has Won PopSugar's Shirtless Man Bracket.  David Beckham also lost (by an even larger margin), and thus the final round comes down to *yawn* Kellan Lutz and Taylor Lautner.

Wake me up when Twilight is over.

So clearly we're boycotting this final round of voting.  But while we're doing so, we can be enjoying some shirtless men of our own...the type who lift weights purely to quell their increased levels of testosterone and who spend five months in the desert learning simple Arabic phrases under the iron fist of Jamie Foxx.

It is my esteemed pleasure to present to you our final installment of this completely unplanned Jarhead Diaries Festival with the final four videos! 









And now that it's over, I can honestly say that these videos were enjoyable/entertaining/educational enough that I can happily overlook my long-held complaint that we did not get proper behind-the-scenes coverage of the Santa Dance...

35 comments:

Prophecy Girl August 27, 2010 at 12:10 PM  

P.S. Originally I planned to post today on a story that sumi k sent me about Jake and Rachel Bilson (though before you freak out, consider the source). But instead, I thought I'd just say that I avoid mentioning rumors about Jake's private life on the main page... So you can say whatever you want about it...or ignore it and talk about Jarhead. ;D I can't say I have a lot of confidence in the accuracy of this rumor (AT ALL), but if you want to secretly hate Rachel Bilson until someone laughs it off as not true, you have my permission. ;)

ALSO, my internet connection is SO SLOW TODAY. I haven't even been able to get through all of these videos yet. I'm kind of going crazy!!

Katie,  August 27, 2010 at 12:11 PM  

Eh, I would pay money to watch Twi-hards duke it out with each other especially over their prized half-naked men(er, boys).

Thanks, again, to everyone who made watching these videos possible. And for taking the tremendous amount of time and patience to do so.

sherry August 27, 2010 at 12:33 PM  

Twilight(toilet) has ruined my life!!!

Vanessa August 27, 2010 at 1:05 PM  

Damn the twiboys! But can I please point out that Mo so totally called this back HERE "It's all eventually gonna be the two Twilight guys against each other. They obviously set it up that way. I still voted. =]"

& so there it is. Jake got WAY further than last year, & we all know he is the real winner in the "shirtless men" bracket. Period. End of story.

Those twihards are probably nursing their crippled little fingers from voting endlessly to put that vamp in the finals. I mean, come on, his creepy looking pale, hairless chest is gross. Eeewwww... ^_^

Sasha,  August 27, 2010 at 1:09 PM  

Unbelievable - but on the hand it was kinda obvious that not Jake and David would make it to the finale *damntwi-ies*

Thanks to everyone who made it possible to view the diaries :D I enjoyed them very much.

Not sure what to say about the new rumors of considering the source and no pic of them both ... so it never actually happened ;)

Sometimes you just can sit thru things PG :)

D August 27, 2010 at 2:43 PM  

Yesterday because of a serries of weird events I ended up watching Eclipse with two of my best friends. I know the movie is supposed to be all dramatic and intense but I seriously laugh out loud (very loud) in two ocassions. I felt like they were pulling a joke on me with the movie and the acting.
Not to offend any Twilight fan. I actually read the books because I was amazed by the fans but I always believe the Twilight saga to be one of those very bad catchy songs you end up singing along despite all your intentions. Damn it.

I still believe it and I am incredible shock to find people who like the way Stephanie Mayers writes. I mean, come on!
Wanna read a good gothic novel? How about Frankenstein?
You want tragic and intense romance? La casa de los espíritus is your choice.

Leslie August 27, 2010 at 2:55 PM  

Yeah, I guess we can be just a teeny bit jealous, eh?

http://www.celebjihad.com/celeb-jihad/rachel-bilson-tight-butt-in-a-bikini

Lena August 27, 2010 at 2:56 PM  

4 videos in one post??
SQUEE!!!!

And can't believe you made me click on Perez's site, naughty PG! I hate that guy.
Of course the rumor can't be true, Bilson isn't a blue eyed blonde :D

Vanessa August 27, 2010 at 3:06 PM  

Well, here's a better site to check out what Jake was doing last week & probably the reason for the gossip mills about Bilson & him. CHECK THIS OUT

I just love what Casablanca says about his biceps! YUMMM!!! >;-)

Anonymous,  August 27, 2010 at 3:11 PM  

Yuck Bruce Bibby is an idiot,

KD,  August 27, 2010 at 3:31 PM  

Aww, thanks PG and Vanessa for the Jarhead Diary videos. I loved them all.

Jake has a dozen different girls on call, apparently, if you believe the tabloid/celebrity gossip magazines and websites. Who knows. When it comes out from Jake's mouth or a picture surfaces of him kissing (said) person, then I'll believe it. That or it comes out in PEOPLE magazine.

lmjacobs August 27, 2010 at 3:43 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Prophecy Girl August 27, 2010 at 3:44 PM  

Er, now I'm feeling bad for bringing this up! :( I just thought if I mentioned it we could get it out of the way and move on...

My Official Take:

1. Perez's story is utterly detail-less. This is always suspicious.

2. Ted's story showed up hours AFTER Perez's...and he's talking about "last week." If the account is true, why didn't he report on it last week?

3. Maybe because Jake wasn't in L.A. last week. He was in Colorado.

Maybe it is true...but I can't think of any reason to believe it based on the evidence presented so far... Plus, Perez and Teddy Boy both have heavily vested interests in Jake and the respective narratives they spin about him. They're not exactly reliable sources...

I'm with KD on the verification. ;)

Moving on! Mo did *so* call it on the bracket outcome. D, I haven't seen Eclipse yet but I did sit through all 4 Twilight books in one marathon session last year and was half-captivated, half-horrified. I'm totally with you on Stephenie Meyers' writing abilities (no offense intended to the Twilight fans in the audience!).

And since I finally got to watch all of the videos all the way through and back to back, I have to say that they were all just really, excellently entertaining and I want to thank Vanessa (again!) for fulfilling the wish of the Me from 2006 and finally giving me the chance to see these! YAY!! :D

Leslie August 27, 2010 at 3:44 PM  

KD - "when it comes out from Jake's mouth . . " - what a mental picture! LOL I actually started to read that as being his mouth on something . . then I had to read it a second time!!

KD,  August 27, 2010 at 5:15 PM  

LOL Leslie. You can picture it whatever way you want. ;D

Is it weird that whenever I picture Jake, it's not in a normal, passive face but some goofy expression that he does in interviews?

PG - I'm with you there. Besides, how can anyone trust someone who thought that PoP was a bad movie? Right? ;D

Vanessa August 27, 2010 at 6:41 PM  

Hey KD, I am so with you on everything you said. I just liked what ol' Teddy boy said about Jake's biceps, but him bashing PoP is TOTALLY uncool! But then the rumor mills are moronic anyway. I don't pay any attention for real to all that crap. Like you said, if you believe everything said out there, he has a new GF every time we turn around. OK, & I love how you picture his face!!! That makes me think of the face he made at the camera right before he got his gorgeous locks shorn off in clip 2. Where he says, "I'm OK!" haha, he is too cute. >;-)

Vanessa August 27, 2010 at 6:50 PM  

Sorry PG, I should have said I agree with you too about those morons. All your points were spot on.

& Mo, where are you? You deserve a prize of the week for calling that shirtless sham so perfectly. Now, do we care who ends up winning the final round??? NO!!! That is all. Jake won for real. & that's all I care about. Carry on. ^_^

KD,  August 27, 2010 at 6:50 PM  

Exactly. That's why the majority of my favorite Jake pictures are candid ones or ones from interviews where he's making some moronic if not hilarious and cute face. I find him so much more appealing that way. LOL

Monica August 27, 2010 at 7:28 PM  

Thanks for these videos, PG. You're great.

Saying a movie is not good is not as bad as celebrating someone's death.

Prophecy Girl August 27, 2010 at 7:54 PM  

^^^ I had COMPLETELY forgotten about that, Monica. I think I repressed that memory because Heath dying was awful enough, but the things he wrote right afterward were unforgivable. Another reason I absolutely can't stand the guy. :(

Vanessa August 27, 2010 at 8:37 PM  

OMG, **hangs head in shame** I had no idea that Casabullshit said such horrible things back then. What a disgusting cretin he is. >:-(
I have never followed him & just saw this today that sounded actually good about Jake's biceps.

Well, I won't ever do that again. Sorry to have put a link up to his page, you guys, please forgive me.

KD,  August 27, 2010 at 10:17 PM  

I must have missed something. What did "Casabullshit" say?

Vanessa August 27, 2010 at 11:17 PM  

KD, read PG's comment above mine, Ted Casablanca, turd extraordinaire, evidently said some horrid things about Heath after he died that were completely unforgivable. I did not realize it until after Monica commented. I do not know the exact things he said, just knowing he did that makes me ill. I have a big urge to send him hate mail, but really don't want to waste my time on him. I just felt bad after I found out since I put up that link to his page earlier. >:-(

KD,  August 28, 2010 at 1:53 AM  

Ohhh, I caught wind of PG comments but thought that the actual words were written.

I see now.

That is horrible that we would say horrid things about Heath post-humorously. What horrid things I don't know and am not particularly interested in finding out.

Prophecy Girl August 28, 2010 at 7:20 AM  

Remember in my very first comment above, when I told everyone to wait "until someone laughs it off as not true"?

I SO CALLED IT.

Vanessa, please don't feel bad!!! Seriously! Every Jake community has to have the Casablanca discussion at some point and actually that article was good for pointing out just how *not true* the whole thing was. Plus, any fawning description of Jake's arms definitely falls in the plus category!! :D Everyone's free to post whatever they want here. If I didn't want it up, I'd just delete it! ;) But I mean it...don't think twice about any of it!

KD, I know you said you didn't want to know, so if you want, you can stop reading here. But...

...the short of it is that within hours of Heath dying, Ted put up a gloating "ha ha, I knew this would happen!" post about it and told a really inappropriate (and likely completely fabricated) story about Heath and Tara Reid hooking up in the bathroom of a club. He then spent the entire week following that ridiculing all of the readers who had been upset by the comments and continually insinuated that Heath was a drug addict who had it coming to him. He's awful.

Anonymous,  August 28, 2010 at 11:01 AM  

Im so glad we finally got to see those videos, thankyou so so much :) I think the only thing now i have yet to see as a gyllenhaalic is a couple of interviews from 2004. The Jonathon Ross one and i think there is a Jay Leno one where they show a clip of Jake very young running round singing a bruce springsteen song! haha :P

Silver

Prophecy Girl August 28, 2010 at 11:57 AM  

That Springsteen clip is, like, the HOLY GRAIL of unfind-able Jake videos. Dammit, it's gotta be out there somewhere...

coffeecat September 1, 2010 at 11:27 AM  

Jake is so observant, "Even when we go back to our hotels, it's a foreign place. It is a foreign place."

He also surprised the hell out of me - I expected him to be X and Y - instead he turns out A and B. Total surprise, man.

Prophecy Girl September 1, 2010 at 11:57 AM  

^^^ Snort! All of this = AGREED.

Anonymous,  September 23, 2010 at 7:59 PM  

Shelia rocks?!?

Anonymous,  September 26, 2010 at 11:00 PM  

Great blog post, I've been looking for something like that?

Troy

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