Saturday, July 24, 2010

JAKE GYLLENHAAL ALIVE - Facial Hair Alert Level Now HIGH

Jake Gyllenhaal was seen yesterday walking out of (if you can believe it) a grocery store:

It's been a month since we've last seen Jake, at which time his Facial Hair Alert Level was merely ELEVATED.  In his time away, the situation has deteriorated (see above) and for the protection of all involved, I am upping Jake to HIGH:

As usual, your fearless leader is on top of things and is fully prepared to spend every waking moment monitoring the situation.  At this point, my suggestion is that we all stay calm.  Should further action need to be taken, I will let you know...

I would like to dedicate this post to Jake, for having his picture taken; to Princess Sparkle Pony, for being brilliant, and to the Bush-era U.S. Department of Homeland Security, for not being brilliant at all.


Leslie July 24, 2010 at 1:18 PM  

I feel so bad every time I see these pap photos . . he looks so uncomfortable. I want to yell "leave him alone!!"

Hoping there's some photo shoot pictures coming soon.

Nothing Really Matters July 24, 2010 at 2:06 PM  

I shudder at the though of ever getting my own groceries! I have people for that! :-P

Is he going for the breaded lady look?

Vanessa,  July 24, 2010 at 2:32 PM  

haha, PG, I love your tag, "improper fork safety"! That cracked me up, I was already wondering WTF he needed plasticware for when he is back in LA. I mean seriously, is he camped out at the mo' or what?

& NRM, "BREADED lady look"? LMAO, that's too funny whether it was a typo or not. >;-)

& again, I seem to be alone in loving the facial hair on Gylls. I don't love the werewolf look, but lots of scruff is yummy on him, imo. Whatever, he looks gorgeous no matter what he puts on his face.

Nothing Really Matters July 24, 2010 at 2:59 PM  

It was meant to say "bearded" My eyes are not what they used to be darling! X

Marissa Salomon,  July 24, 2010 at 3:28 PM  

I still think he looks great

sumi k July 24, 2010 at 4:46 PM  

okay. ive thought a lot about this. and honestly, i have no idea. maybe you ladies can help me.

aside from the daunting task of venturing into grocery stores, stylishly entering vehicles, and exiting the gym with a vanna white-esque way of showcasing his different water bottles...


i think its one of three things.

1. he has a trainset in his house, fashioned after the one in Silver Spoons (that i was soo jealous of) and he just rides around, singing to himself.

2. he has a dance room in his house where he re-works the choreography to 'a hedgehog doin' karate'. obviously the version on JF is incomplete and needed more work?

3. he bakes, which accounts for all of the trips to the gym as well as the grocery store trips. perhaps if we were to entire the humble abobe of Sir Gylls of Thine Bearded Glory, he would have trays and trays of cookies waiting for us?

im wondering if a covert op. is needed soon....

Vanessa,  July 24, 2010 at 5:08 PM  

PG, I totally forgot to give you kudos on your facial hair alert system. Great shit, not to mention giving credit to PSP for being brilliant & the Bush-era DHS for NOT being brilliant AT ALL!!! LOVE IT!

OMG, sumi k, I seriously had a major LOL moment with your ideas. You are killing me, now I will never get that image out of my head of JG, (looking like Pilot) riding around his house on a train singing to himself! Zowieee!!!

Voulez Vouz July 24, 2010 at 6:27 PM  

I agree Leslie. It's more stalker like to look at pictures where he doesn't know or realize that someone is taking his picture. It makes me feel less guilty. Loving the yummyness of the beard also loving his Stand Up To Cancer hat. He's so sweet!!!

Becky Heineke July 24, 2010 at 6:54 PM  

At the risk of sounding incredibly cynical...there are times when Jake knows his picture is going to be taken. And while I'm not saying that he definitely knew that *this* time, er, he did show up to the grocery store wearing a hat advertising a cause that he recently became a vocal spokesperson for. (Don't hate me for saying it!)

I'm much more uncomfortable with pictures like these actually, where he looks visibly distressed. He gets a certain look on his face when he's really upset, and I used to not post such pictures, but admittedly I have relaxed the standards I had on JW as I try to compete with other blogs that post absolutely anything that pops up... :-/


Thank you, Vanessa!! I had a very good time making that graphic, I'm not going to lie. :)

And SUMI K, the images you have planted in my head!! I'm personally leaning toward the dancing idea. It would explain his well-developed calf muscles...

Vanessa,  July 24, 2010 at 8:06 PM  

OK, I really would like to point out something about those pap pics you posted in June. He does appear somewhat distressed, but being a photographer I noticed something else. It is at night, totally dark around him where he is walking & with those super bright flashes going off in his face, his expressions look to me more like he just can't see very well where he is walking. After all, in the car, he looks all happy, it's only when he is trying to walk that his expression turns not so happy looking. If you notice all the pap pics posted on IHJ over the years, he never seems to be angry, I truly think he is very used to this, although I am sure it can be very annoying to have to deal with it everywhere he goes. Personally I much prefer photoshoots over the pap pics, but like you said PG, you have to compete with the other blogs that post EVERYTHING regardless of what it is. So I say, carry on PG, ISJ rocks! >;-)

Mel,  July 24, 2010 at 11:40 PM  

I chuckled.

I had re-read the Werewolf post recently, trying to explain why shows up in my "most recently visited pages" to friends.

It brought back memories.

Your humor in this post brings back more.



Sam July 25, 2010 at 5:04 AM  

Love it, personally, i like it best when his beard is in the "Guarded" Stage...

raconteur,  July 25, 2010 at 9:30 AM  

Sorry to sidestep from the topic at hand, but may I interrupt to say: omg!

I had johnnie-come-lately'd upon the marvelous Jake Watch in it’s final days. Sadly for me, before there was time for even a single breathless "Oh, LOL u guyz!!1!" post comment, the site was put out to pasture.

At last, someone is back, working to “close the gap” on celebrity athletic sock commentary.

I think you are one of the coolest bloggers around, and wish to extend my warm, slightly sticky, regards.

Miffed67 July 25, 2010 at 9:58 AM  

Jake *GASP* bought groceries? Say it ain't so!

The man must eat like there's no tomorrow, as much as he frequents grocery stores. I guess all the Jake muscles take a lot of fuel to keep going.

Mmmmmmm, Jake muscles.....ummm, I'll be back later!

Becky Heineke July 25, 2010 at 10:45 AM  

Thank you, Mel! And thank you, raconteur! You know, with Jake Watch gone, I just felt the important issues weren't being covered...I mean has anyone been paying attention to his socks for the past 2 years?! It was my overwhelming sense of duty to the betterment of society that convinced me I was needed. :D

And Vanessa, I have to say you have brought up an interesting point about the darkness and one I'd never thought of! I actually have another reason to suspect there are times when Jake is none-too-happy to be photographed (and knowing that, I perhaps look harder than most for evidence of that in certain pictures), but I'm going to make you wait for the book on that one! ;)

Katie,  July 26, 2010 at 2:44 PM  

I apologize for not posting sooner. The topic of the beard is one I have for which adopted the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Jake knows how I feel about it and I've sworn to him I won't allow my somewhat shallow heart to be broken by the amount of facial hair he deems appropriate. I just give him props for being able to stand the facial insulation during an L.A. summer.

Anonymous,  July 29, 2010 at 4:20 AM  

Man, I can't wait for that book to come out!! The suspense!! You're killing us PG :-)


Becky Heineke July 29, 2010 at 8:13 AM  

Linna!!! *HUGS* The suspense is killing me even! I thought *for sure* it would have been out by now. I NEVER would have believed we'd be heading into August and it still wouldn't be out...

It looks like it could be up to another 6 weeks (ARGH!) but I'm going to do absolutely everything in my power to push that date forward. (Seriously, I'm so frustrated with the whole thing I've started grinding my teeth at night!!)

Phoebe,  July 31, 2010 at 3:27 PM  

OMG the alert system is PRICELESS!


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