Thursday, June 3, 2010

BREAKING: Jake Gyllenhaal Gets Into Car. Again.

This is an amazing set of photographs that we have; every second caught on film!  So *deep breath* on a scale of 1-10...

The Approach:

Stop smiling, man.  It's not going to make us judge you any easier.  And whoa, are those the same shoes you wore the other day?  Dude.  DUDE.  WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU.  I'm trying not to let this cloud my judgment but it's kind of unprecedented and I need a moment to get over this...

...and I'm good.

The Reach (Angle 1):
Difficult to assess.  The driver's side rear-view mirror is blocking the most important information in this photograph.  MIRROR FAIL.

The Reach (Angle 2):
Clearer from this angle.  Jake is carrying his keys in the same hand he's using to reach for the door handle.  It's a step up from what we've seen from him recently, but I've seen better.

The Grab (Angle 1):
Again, what is this crap that's passing for a photograph here?  I can't believe someone got paid to take this.  It tells us nothing.

The Grab (Angle 2):
HOLY SHIT.  Is that a middle finger grab?!

Instant Replay:
It is!  He went the middle finger route!  Way to man the hell up, Gylls.  You tell that car door who's boss.

The Open:
The balancing act in the non-door-opening hand is impressive, if minimalist...

The Get-In:
Successfully navigated, gracefully entered, adequately executed...and yet somehow lacking.

Today's Car-Getting-Into Score = 4.3 

It won points for elegance, but I just can't overlook the lack of originality.  Where is the style, Gyllenhaal?  Where is the style?

Thanks to sumi k for letting me know Jake rode in his car!


Linda June 3, 2010 at 11:20 PM  

that middle finger thing is just for masters! haha
I'm starting to think maybe the paparazzi was insanely in love with Jake ( almost as much as we do )

Linda June 3, 2010 at 11:23 PM  

so, thank you so much for taking the risk and posting it tonight :)
now we can get some sleep without worries !lol
good night

gyllenhaalisgr8 June 4, 2010 at 1:43 AM  

It's the rivetting comentary that makes this site so special! Love ya!

Sam June 4, 2010 at 2:29 AM  

WOW, im so impressed! I might try the middle finger execution tomorrow, but even then ill only be carrying my handbag!!! Notice also the perfect delivery of carrying a hoodie... nice one Gylls

P.s. 4.3 out of what? 10 or 5?!

Sam June 4, 2010 at 2:30 AM  

Oh and the shoes, he's just teasing us. I KNOW he has more shoes than that!

And Gylls, next time- crack out some visible socks for us please? I think visible socks would give you automatically at least a 5/10

Becky Heineke June 4, 2010 at 8:03 AM  

Visible sock definitely would have upped the score. No question. He's been really lax about that lately...I may have to have a talk with him (awkward!).

And yeah, out of 10! I'm a tough judge, but I *know* he's got it in him...

Becky Heineke June 4, 2010 at 8:06 AM  

"Rear view window"?? Obviously I meant "mirror" (corrected now). This is the problem with late night posts!! :D

Miffed67 June 4, 2010 at 10:50 AM  

It is KILLING me to know what kind of car this is! Anyone?Bueller?

Becky Heineke June 4, 2010 at 11:37 AM  

I've got nothing. It's pretty ridiculous there have been this many shots of Jake getting *into* his car, but no clear shot *of* the car. It's like these people don't want us to know!

And sumi k, I KNOW. These pictures actually leave us with more questions than answers. Our work here is never done.

Call Me Mo June 4, 2010 at 11:37 AM  

Same shoes. Same water bottle. Pssh that was so 5 days ago. He needs a new act. Like the hair-washing story he told and retold. We need new and riveting, Jake. Bring your A game.

coffeecat June 4, 2010 at 2:47 PM  

I'm concerned.

It's very Un-Jake-like to be SMILING AT THE PAPARAZZI! What gives?

And PG, you are putting on a brave face, but let's face it, Jake has been stumbling on his get-in-the-car-while-balancing-objects-and-a-dog act for a while now. This is back to baby steps. (Except for the middle finger open.)

Becky Heineke June 4, 2010 at 4:36 PM  

I'm trying too hard, aren't I? I want him to be great so badly!!

Call Me Mo June 4, 2010 at 6:12 PM  

AUGH! I hate riddles I can't solve. I cannot figure out what kind of car that is. My best guess is Mercedes M-class, but the lights don't seem right. The paps have no scruples. Show me the damn front end of the car!

Call Me Mo June 4, 2010 at 10:05 PM  

Ah ha! After careful observation of just about every damn SUV out there, I have concluded that Jake is currently driving an Audi Q7.

(Sorry, but I am such a freak about figuring stuff out.)

Sam June 5, 2010 at 2:46 AM  

Omg, i thought that a merc was good, an AUDI is like my DREAM CAR!

And i think you have found the right one, good work randomhero!!! Now we just need confirmation, but i would bet on the fact that you are 100% correct!!! Great stalking!!!!!!

Becky Heineke June 5, 2010 at 9:05 AM  

RH2006, you are the like the freaking Eagle Scout of Jake fans.

One day I will have the time to catch up, and there will be merit badges galore...

Miffed67 June 5, 2010 at 9:31 AM  

Hallelujah! I had in mind that it looked like an Audi, but didn't want to squee until I knew for sure! I have an A6 and can say that Audi's pretty much rock. Way to go, Jake! Thanks, RH2006!

I keep telling the hubby our next car is going to be the Q5. He's not on board with that...yet.

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