Saturday, August 21, 2010

Because There's a Rumor About Jake and Running...

Jake Gyllenhaal:  Skilled Runner

Your fearless leader, who has been up since 4:45 this morning, watched the sun come up about halfway through her 6.5 mile half-marathon training run.  (I do this to myself every year, because I'm a masochist.)  So how coincidental that when I came home and started skulking around on the other Jake blogs looking for news (as I'm prone to doing...I don't know where the hell these people find this stuff) I discovered that Gyllenbabble was reporting that someone else was reporting that Jake was, at this very moment, at one of the more hardcore of all trail races ever.  (Trail racing being "running for people who are even more insane than normal runners.")

And now they're just all over this story so I'm not even going to try to compete.  I didn't know about this personally, mind you, because Jake's all stroppy right now because Glamour UK thinks we're only 68% compatible and so he didn't even call me to ask how my run went this morning or to break the news that there might be a running movie in the works.

(Note to Jake:  I'd be a very good extra for this movie.) 

So anyway, since it's all a bunch of speculation right now and because I have such a backlog of posts that I have covered pretty much every topic on Earth, I thought today we'd look back at this post-appropriate jewel from my glorious youth, back when we were just learning about Jake's skills as a runner.  From August 12, 2007:

The Jake Watch Guide to Race Day Etiquette

We here at Jake Watch are all about physical fitness (as of today).  That's why when we found out that Jake ran a 5k race yesterday, we decided to take that experience and use it as an educational opportunity.  Using her extensive knowledge gained from participating in ten or fewer 5Ks, PG presents to you...

Running a 5K:  Basics for Beginners with Jake Gyllenhaal

What to Wear:

Always a beacon of fashion, Jake shows off classic "beginner style" 5k wear:

1.  A cooling haircut, ideal for men.  (Ponytails are recommended for the fairer sex.)

2.  Seen mostly on walkers in the back, Jake breaks tradition by charging up front in the light-colored race-day t-shirt that comes in all registration packs.   Designed by local artists, this brightly-colored abstract work of art will be thrown into the back of your dresser after the race and never worn again.  Your race number is best displayed at bellybutton-level and can be attached with anywhere from 2 or 4 safety's up to you!

3.  Running shoes and ankle socks.  No knee-highs here; it's all about showing off your man-legs.

Career 5k-ers will likely invest in a get-up more like that of the gentleman to the right of Jake (marked *).   In other circumstances, his indecently short shorts and sweat-wicking tank would get some scandalized stares.   On race day, they are the proud badges of someone who knows what they're doing.

Who You're Running With:

They show up to every 5k across the country.  They are:

1 and 2.  The "Blatant Stalker" Guys.  Usually ogling girls in sports bras, these particular stalkers are distracted by the movie star in their midst.

3.  The "Run Around Before the Race" Guy.  By the time you drag yourself to the course at whatever godforsaken early hour of the morning, this guy has been running the track for hours.  He will finish before you and continue to run until everyone else has crossed the finish line.  He makes sure you know he's more in shape than you are and that for him, running is fun!

4.  The "I Love the '90's" Guy.  This guy loves his hypercolored shirts and patterned shorts.  He even wears high-tops...and he will fly past your sorry ass while you're laughing at what he's wearing.  Turns out those are his lucky clothes that he's worn to every 5k since 1991.  They haven't failed him yet!

5.  The "Local Celebrity" Guy.  In Memphis, this guy is Action News 5 anchor, Joe Birch.  In Chilmark, apparently it's Jake Gyllenhaal.

6.  Your Grandpa.  He will beat your time by at least 20 minutes.

7.    The "Oh-My-God-I-Spotted-The-Local-Celebrity!" Guy.  He always works his way up to the front of the crowd before the race starts so that he doesn't miss any of the excitement.  He will fall to the back by Mile 2.

8.  The "I'm Hot When I'm Shirtless" Guy.  For this guy, the race is an opportunity to show off his tight abs and run around half-nekked.  One smoldering look into the camera and he's ready for the ladies.  Race?  What race?

9.  The "Clueless" Guy.  While everyone else is gearing up to run, he's idly standing around looking at his own hand.

10.  The "Fearless Female."  The one woman who dares to work her way to the front of the line with all the manly men.  She will not finish first, but dammit, she will finish before the local celebrity.


Hey, showing up well-dressed and knowing who you're up again is half the battle!  The actual running part is more of a sidenote.  We're not sure what training regimen Jake sticks to, but judging by his time (19:38, holy shit!) we'd say he's slightly better at this running thing than PG.

And now the PG of 2010 would like to add one final note, which is that we have a translation request!  If anyone knows Portuguese, there are several people (myself included!) who'd love to know what this interview says.  Thanks! :)


Leslie August 21, 2010 at 3:29 PM  

He was there - but was he running? If he were running in the thing then I'd definitely call him hardcore! Wonder if he's going to shave for the SUTC shindig.

Anonymous,  August 21, 2010 at 3:47 PM  

Just wondering what the top gif is from? Is it from The Day After Tomorrow? :)

Becky Heineke August 21, 2010 at 4:21 PM  

It's an outtake from TDAT. I think it's on the special edition DVD...maybe? Honestly, I don't own that copy, nor do I remember where the gif came from! (Fan FAIL!!! :D)

Leslie, I don't think he ran/is running. I think he's just scoping it out...for whatever reason! The bloggers keep talking about a movie based on the book Born to Run (which has been on my to-read list for months), but based on what I know about the book, I'm not entirely sure how that would translate to film in a fictionalized way...

Sam August 21, 2010 at 6:11 PM  

Interesting... i hope it is a movie about running... that would be a good looking movie!

Vanessa August 22, 2010 at 12:58 AM  

Loved the repost from JW, PG! Too funny!

It sounds like to me he might be scoping out that race for the movie, especially since he was supposedly seen with Christopher McDougall, the author of the book. If it does have something to do with making a movie from his book, I could see Jake playing the ultramarathoner guy. But then you never know with that dude. I guess we shall see soon enough!

Anonymous,  August 22, 2010 at 9:38 AM  

Hahahahaha! Loved this post PG you make me laugh :D

Hey look at this! Jake is winning a "who would you like to kiss most poll" and kicking ass! hahahaha


Becky Heineke August 22, 2010 at 10:11 AM  

Awesome! Thank you, Silver! :D

Yeah, it looks like there's no other news on the running front this morning. We shall see!

Vanessa August 22, 2010 at 10:15 AM  

Well, heck, I just went there to vote for Jake & all of a sudden he's losing ground fast to RPattz. I guess his fans must have gotten wind of this poll & are already all over it voting their little fingers off. Whatever, WE all would way rather kiss The Gyllenhaal than RPattz any day. >;-)

Becky Heineke August 22, 2010 at 10:36 AM  

Aw, man! By the time I get the post up, he probably won't be in the lead anymore. :( Well at least I got a screencap. :)

Miss_Kris,  August 23, 2010 at 10:17 AM  

PG, the link to the Portuguese interview isn't working... I know a little (very broken) Portuguese, and figured I may be able to help with translation, but it says the link is expired or something. Any other way of tracking it down?

Becky Heineke August 23, 2010 at 10:25 AM  

Well, damn. I should have saved that instead of linking directly to it. :( I also should have made an announcement that I actually got the translation last night! I'm planning to put it up tomorrow (probably...provided nothing groundbreaking happens in the meantime)...

Thanks for your offer!! Considering the multi-national range of interviews that keep coming up, I'm sure this won't be the last time. So I'll remember you for Portuguese in the future, if you don't mind! ;)

Miss_Kris,  August 23, 2010 at 11:19 AM  

No problem! I also know some broken Spanish, and slightly less broken French, if either of those helps at any time! LOL

I suppose I should probably pick one language and learn the whole thing at some point... :p

Becky Heineke August 23, 2010 at 11:39 AM  

Any understanding of any language you didn't learn from birth gets so much respect from me! Seriously. Language is one thing that I just have no grasp of (outside of English) whatsoever. It's kind of sad actually...

But on a happier note, I now have the scan so we're set to go! :)

Miss_Kris,  August 24, 2010 at 9:52 AM  

Well, I live in Canada, so the French was kinda shoved down my throat. I chose to learn Spanish in high school, and Portuguese isn't too far off from that, so it was easy to pick up on some of that...

But, you know, I suck at maintaining webpages, so you have my respect there... and a whole lot of luv for the fact that it's all about Jake! :D

Anonymous,  October 12, 2010 at 10:25 PM  

I always inspired by you, your thoughts and attitude, again, thanks for this nice post.

- Thomas

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