Glamour UK has come out with its yearly Sexy Man List! And their choice for Sexiest Man EVER in 2010?
Take a moment to let that sink in.
And then let's get through the other 17 people Glamour inexplicably named as sexier than Jake Gyllenhaal:
2 - 5. People from the Twilight movies and one person who just dates people from the Twilight movies. I'm not even bothering to dignify this top 5 with a response.
6. Johnny Depp - A Sexy Man List standard. Glamour seems to be seeking to redeem itself by throwing Depp into the mix. Will it go up or down from here?
7. Justin Bieber - CRASH AND BURN. Any redemption brought about by Depp's inclusion has been destroyed, as has been the validity of this list. (Is it even legal to call Justin Bieber "sexy"?)
8. Gerard Butler - Nice try, Glamour. But I've seen your true nature.
9. Hayden Christensen - Um, where has this guy even been for every year that happened after George Lucas stopped churning out Star Wars prequels? He should be disqualified out of irrelevance.
10 - 12. Channing Tatum, Orlando Bloom, Chace Crawford - Men who are prettier than I am. So no.
13. Chris Brown - NICE ONE, Glamour UK. Let's take our token "non-white Sexy Man in this Sexy Man List directed at white audiences" and use it on the guy most white people only know for beating up his girlfriend.
14. Justin Timberlake - Well, he's better than Chris Brown.
15. Cristiano Ronaldo - I don't know who this person is but I would marry him tomorrow based on his picture alone.
16. Ryan Gosling - Legitimate pick, even if he seems to be trying to beat out DiCaprio for deepest frown lines in Hollywood.
17. Ed Westwick - I don't watch Gossip Girl. Ergo I don't care.
18. Ashton Kutcher - Eh. Hotness factor diminished by the high-profile marriage and Twitter obsession. But still a more valid entry than 90% of the people on this list so far.
19. JAKE GYLLENHAAL. OH THAT GUY. You know the one.
And how does Glamour describe Jake?
WORST. SEXY MAN LIST. EVER.
Glamour also offers you the chance to link yourself romantically to anyone of your choosing by the highly scientific method of typing in your names:
Thanks to KD for the heads up!