Monday, September 13, 2010

Work Out Like Jake!

Happy Monday!  How is your day going so far?  Have you been up since 5 a.m. drinking black coffee and eating half a banana and some nuts?  If not, then you are not as good at life as Jake Gyllenhaal.

KidzWorld ran an interview over the weekend that ran all over the damn internet...but if you scroll to the bottom, they added a little something extra from Simon Waterson.  Simon is a "fitness expert" who worked with some guy named Jake to get him ready for some movie called Prince of Persia.  Simon's goal (in the words of KidzWorld) was to "transform [Jake's] lean and lithe body into that of a muscle-bound warrior."

Jake Gyllenhaal:  Stoic Warrior

You can read the article for Jake's full regimen (beware of serenading Bieber rip-offs), but here are some of the highlights:

5:00 a.m. - Jake gets up and eats aforementioned nuts and half a banana whilst chugging black coffee.  Simon then forces him to run around in the sand with weights on his back like a racehorse, which is his warm-up for the next hour of cardio.

7:30 a.m. - Jake is finally allowed to eat breakfast, which comes in the form of an egg white omelet, rye toast, and half of a protein shake with various berries.  Simon helpfully adds that it is at this stage of the day when Jake takes a shower.

Sometime After He Showers - Jake goes to the set and starts his actual work for the day.

10:00 a.m - Jake is given a snack for being a good boy.  If he's a really good boy, that snack is nuts and dark chocolate.

Midday - Light Popeye-inspired lunch (and by "Popeye" I mean lots of spinach, not fried chicken).

2:00 - 4:00 p.m. - More snacks while he works.  (Much like a newborn, Jake has to eat every 2 hours.)  At this point in the day, it's all celery and hummus.

6:00 p.m. - After work, he has an hour of circuit-based training, wherein he is forced to carry heavy weights so as to build up all of those muscles that were covered up for most of the movie.

7:30 p.m. - Jake gets a half-hour deep-tissue massage and then, if he's really lucky, a bowl of soup.

9:00 p.m. - Jake goes to bed so he can wake up and do it all again the next day.

And that is how Jake Gyllenhaal came to be physically objectified by Walt Disney.

Every year, I train for (and run) a half-marathon in December.  And every year, I say I'm going to do stomach crunches on the days I don't run.

I never do it...

Also, here is a coupon for $8 off your Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack that you will be purchasing tomorrow!  Basically all I do these days, all of the time, is promote this damned movie which, to be honest, I don't have the disposable income to buy right now.  (I'll let you know when Disney returns the favor and starts pimping my book.)


Anonymous,  September 13, 2010 at 12:21 PM  

poor Jake, it must have been SO horrible for him.

poor baby. I just wish Disney had promoted it like they should have. I don't think there is going to be another adventure for the prince :(


Leslie September 13, 2010 at 12:33 PM  

You have to be a Disney rewards member or something to print the coupon. I really don't want to sign up for yet another thing . . thanks anyways! :)

Vanessa September 13, 2010 at 1:27 PM  

Leslie, it's free to register & they don't make you do anything else to save some money, I signed up with them 2 years ago when I was going to Disney World & they have never spammed me or anything. It's your choice, but I personally like saving the 8 bucks! >;-)

Leslie September 13, 2010 at 1:43 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
CigarattesAndCoffee September 13, 2010 at 2:22 PM  

I clearly can't read anymore after seeing so much Prince-y Jake. I did indeed read "At this point in the day, it's all celery and hummus" as "it's all celery and humans". And then read "After work, he has an hour of circuit-based training" as "circus-based training". I'm just going to sit here and quietly weep over the fact I thought Jake had, indeed, turned into a cannibal.
Excellent post PG, really made me laugh! Especially "If not, then you are not as good at life as Jake Gyllenhaal." Oh god.

Becky Heineke September 13, 2010 at 2:58 PM  

^^^ You have totally returned the favor with this comment. HAHAHAHA!! :D

Anonymous,  September 13, 2010 at 3:00 PM  

I think I got exhausted just by reading that. No wonder he was looking the way he was... *drools*...


Leslie September 13, 2010 at 4:22 PM  

I tried so hard not to think about how many times he got so sick of shitting nuts. LMAO

Sam September 13, 2010 at 5:19 PM  

Jesus, he must have been on about 500 calories a day! That is total dedication... it makes what im calling "my diet" look poor as!

Sam September 13, 2010 at 5:20 PM  

Actually, then again, if i was getting the money that Jake got from Disney... id probably shit nuts and celery all day too...

Nothing Really Matters September 13, 2010 at 5:36 PM  

Om my darlings I'm exhausted after reading the first line!

Do you get a choice in what nut you can have for brakfast?

Call Me Mo September 13, 2010 at 5:51 PM  

^^ Elicited dirty thoughts. Ha. Whoops.

"Lean and lithe"?! Who are they kidding?

KD,  September 13, 2010 at 7:40 PM  

That's a harsh workout. I would have just perished under that schedule.

Leslie September 13, 2010 at 8:24 PM  

I have a feeling that there's more to his diet than just that. I mean, he's what . . at least 6' and probably around 185 lbs. There's absolutely NO way he could have sustained any energy or health on just what that guy said alone. I'm sure there's a lot he's not saying.

Becky Heineke September 13, 2010 at 9:17 PM  

I don't know...I mean, as far as a high-protein, muscle-building diet goes, this one seems pretty on-target. I underplayed a few things that he mentioned in the article, but it sounds like Jake just ate small quantities pretty much constantly. But there's a lot left out in the sizes of the portions here. He ate an egg white omelet for breakfast...but was that two eggs? Five? More? The only thing that really struck me was dinner. Late in the day as it was, I can't imagine not eating more than that after a day of working out!!

Leslie September 13, 2010 at 9:50 PM  

Exactly! I mean, if he's not getting enough food . . period . . he'd be exhausted after only the first week. And you need good carbs to keep the brain going too. I don't mean you left anything out . . I think the trainer's not saying everything, that's all.

Becky Heineke September 14, 2010 at 10:36 AM  

^^^ I'm sure you're right and not everything was spelled out exactly... Any way you look at it, it would have been a hard thing to do! He seemed to enjoy it, though (and how weird would it be if that was your *job* and you were paid to put yourself through that?!). :)

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