Wednesday, June 2, 2010

So Jake Rides a Motorcycle Now?

Word on the street is that a certain sometime-celebrity whose name just happens to appear in the title of this website was seen cavorting around Los Angeles on a motorcycle recently.  We don't have photographic evidence yet, but we do have this:

What Jake Gyllenhaal might look like were he to be poorly Photoshopped into a picture with a motorcycle.

Obviously there are certain risks involved when riding a motorcycle, especially when the driver is someone as reckless as Jake.  Therefore, after many seconds of rational contemplation, I did the only sane thing that I could do in this situation, which was to take out 10 separate insurance policies on various parts of Jake's body.

Monetary amounts explained below:

True, my savings account took a bit of a hit, but "food" and "shelter" are so overrated, right?  (If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times...priorities.)

UPDATE:  Thanks to S4M985, we now have visual confirmation that Jake is, at the very least, not protecting his arms, feet, or hair.  And you probably thought I was overreacting...


Call Me Mo June 2, 2010 at 11:52 PM  

Really, the hips should be imperative for "Santa hat" dance moves. ;D

What about the "family jewels"? What if he hits a nasty pothole and slams down onto the bike injuring himself and thus preventing him from ever reproducing?! The horror.

Anonymous,  June 3, 2010 at 12:10 AM  

Those hands should be worth a whole lot more dough.

What about his butt? I think that alone should reach about...$20 million? Seen Jarhead?

Sam June 3, 2010 at 6:21 AM  

Hahahaha, that was AWESOME! LOVE IT! But i do think his smoldering eyes are worth more, and maybe the hips. Oh there isnt enough money in this whole damn world to insure that bloke properly! Thankyou PG for giving up your hard earned cash!!!

p.s. Isnt there a *real* picture of Jake on a motorcycle from one of his shoots? Agent S4M985 is on a mission!

Sam June 3, 2010 at 6:30 AM  


Ok so I think we may allow Jake to ride a motorcylce ONLY if he rides around like this...

And maybe he should put some proper shoes on.

Sam June 3, 2010 at 6:32 AM


I dont know why it disappears off the page. Sorry for spaming comments but you all need to see this if you havnt already!

Anonymous,  June 3, 2010 at 8:30 AM  

Wo, wo, wo, The Hands are worth a lot more than 15$. Have you looked at them? They're a work of art, looking so strong yet so gentle. The world would be a much less beautiful place without them. And they are extremely important for all the Jake walking with a coffe or Jake walking with a water bottle. And how would he pet poor Atti?

Thanks for the pic, S4M985, I couldn't find it for myself yesterday.

Your photoshopping skills are much better than mine, PG. :)


Becky Heineke June 3, 2010 at 9:42 AM  

Post now updated with Sam's picture! I had totally forgotten about that photo. Damn, had I only thought of that before I did the head transplant...

Confession, I did originally have the hips down for Santa Dance moves only, but then I thought of other times we'd seen Jake dance and thought it wise not to discriminate... As for the rest, oh I knew there would be controversy, but I'm extremely pleased that no one thinks I overvalued the knees.

atalley,  July 27, 2010 at 10:03 PM  

Wow...he looks wonderfully sexy on the motorcycle!! Wish his pants were a little tighter, though.

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