Wednesday, May 19, 2010

First Stalking Mission of the New Era: RAGING SUCCESS!!

Hey, remember the days when I used to fly all over the world for 18 months at a time, trying to meet Jake as he kept running away from me?!  And then I finally cornered him so he couldn't escape and it wound up being kind of lame??

Well, I suck in comparison to TheGyllenhaalic (aka Monica), who is all of the sudden as famous as Jake himself.  She's absolutely freaking everywhere, from WireImage to Entertainment Tonight!  She was awesome enough to write up her whole thrilling experience of meeting (and touching and -- oddly enough -- feeding) our wondrous Mr. Gyllenhaal at the Los Angeles premiere of Prince of Persia.  She also lavishly illustrated her tale with exclusive pictures.  (Which happen to be pictures of Jake!)

So I now turn you over to her more than capable hands.  It is quite an exciting read, so I would recommend a reclining position lest our more sensitive readers be overcome with emotion!

Flashback a few weeks ago: I find out the Prince of Persia LA premiere date and think to myself, "I feel like I should go." I do not like crowds or screaming people. A movie premiere would most likely have both. But I figure this is probably the first and only time I'll ever go to something like this, so why the heck not. Flash-forward to Sunday:

8:30 am: I drive in front of Graumann's Chinese Theater. The place is basically dead. Well, there's a few early birds there taking pics of feet and hand prints. So I leave to get some breakfast. If the breakfast happened to (out of necessity, I assure you) consist of Peet's coffee and a visit to Jake's local Whole Foods, I am not to blame. My voyeur tendencies got the best of me. (Don't lie! You'd do it too!) I may or may not have been keeping an eye out for a handsome devil in a Mercedes or Prius (does he still drive it?) as I drove around but that is not important. After an eventful/uneventful (can't decide which) breakfast I made my way back to Graumann's and parked. I got momentarily lost for like 5 mins cuz I walked left instead of right when I came out of the Hollywood and Vine shopping center. Doy!  

9:30 am-ish - I moseyed on over to the front of Graumann's and WHAT? no one is there but people taking pics of the above-mentioned items, a scary pirate who asked me for money, Batman, and a homeless looking Spiderman but I was not interested in anyone if there name was not Jake and/or Gyllenhaal. So I go and look at feet and handprints. Can I just say that a lot of those celebrities have some little feet? (I was in a dress and the floor is icky, I was not about to get down and check handprint size. Sorry.) I got bored so I walked back over to the Hollywood and Vine shopping center. Surprise! Nothing is open yet. Damn. I killed some time people-watching but it is not as fun if you don't have someone there to tear down random strangers with. Bummer. 

About 10:30am-ish: Trucks arrive and block off one half of the street. They start putting up barricades and laying down a rad red carpet. I stand and watch for a few minutes but no one but me seems as eager that this is taking place. I mean come on! Where are all the screaming Jake fans? Why does no one really care??  What his this world come to? Now my phone battery is about half-charged and I realized I did not bring my poster with me* so I high-tailed it back to my car and sat charging my phone. 

[*My poster, thanks to my lovely friend Lexi, was inspired by a couple of recent interviews where Jake said he was “deprived” of Snickers on the set of Prince of Persia. Jakey should NEVER be deprived of anything. So Lexi said I should take Jake a Snickers. Then Karen says you should make a sign that says: “Free Snickers for Jake”. Done and done.] 

By now it’s about noon: When I make it back over to G-Mann’s (as I have by now nicknamed it) there is still no one meandering around wondering where you need to stand to get the best opportunity to kidnap meet Jake. Well, except me. Also, it’s suddenly misting and I am freezing in my dress and denim jacket. But I was saved. One American Apparel run through later, and I have on some nice, warm leggings. Better. Much better. I finally ask a lady working at G-Mann’s where I can stand for the premiere. She directs me to the opposite side of the street. Off I go. I spend about an hour walking up and down the barricade on the opposite side of the street trying to decide where is the best place to stand to see Jake. I am pestered the entire time by hecklers trying to get me to go on some tour of celeb’s houses. Umm no. And now I’m tired, bored and hungry. Pizza anyone? 

The Chosen Spot

It’s now roughly 1:40 pm: I will myself to choose a spot. A place slightly right across from the beginning of the red carpet where the celebs would be dropped off. Seemed like a good plan. I didn’t want to be blocked from viewing them by the interviewers and photographers and then I could at least catch a glimpse of them getting out of their vehicles. Roughly about 15 minutes after claiming my spot, a guy walks up and stands pretty close to the left of me. He has a big bag with stuff. He is playing on his Blackberry. He looks serious and focused. He gets on the phone and asks a mystery person if this location is good. Mystery person must have said yes because he does not move. *mental happy dance* This “in the know” guy seems to think it’s good, so this is good! A little while later he asks me if I've ever been to a premiere. Nope. This is my first and probably only one. He warns me that things get crazy if celebs come over and people will shove you against the railing and hit you in the head with their items they want signed. No biggie, I’ve been to enough rock concerts to handle it. I ask him what he does, he says he collects autographs for fun and works for a website that covers premieres and what-nots. I make small talk trying not to rush into asking him about Jake. I was playing it cool. Kinda. Finally, I do ask. He says he’d never met him and some nonsense about how Jake normally doesn’t come out and sign autographs or take pictures and he’s not too friendly. (What now?! The Jake is not friendly?? IMPOSSIBLE! This man is telling me lies! Evil little lies.) After my brain got over the offensive remark, I started to become a little worried. What if Jake didn't come over? Or what if he did and he was mean? What then? My pretty, little, perfect version of Jake in my head would be ruined! How could I ever come back from that? I was having a total life crisis! What was I going to do if he crushed my heart and dreams?

2 pm - 5:30 pm-ish: A whole lotta nothing. Seriously. It was just me. Standing there. Being bored and stressing about my may be impending doom.

Roughly around 5:30 pm: There is ruckus going on over in front of the G-Mann's theatre. It is too far away. Somehow it spreads down the line of people that Jake is over at the ceremony for Jerry Bruckheimer playing in clay. Homegirl next to me puts on a "concerned" face. Concerned face has me concerned. She says this changes the game. If they're already down over there then they're likely not going to be dropped off at the end of the carpet. My bubble for the day which had slowly been deflating was just about outta air. *sigh* Things were really not looking good for my Jake moment.

I don't know like 6:10 pm-ish. You swear I was checking my watch: SUV's are arriving at the end of the red carpet. People who were at the ceremony are magically appearing outta thin air and are just suddeny there on the red carpet. First celeb to come across the street was Jon Voight. He hung out for awhile signing autographs and taking pics. Commotion across the street. Gemma has arrived! Does she come over? NO. She gives a half-ass wave and slight head-turn across the street. Whatever. I'll remember that, Gemma. Some more SUVs that are not carrying Jake arrive. I am far-sighted. I could not see if the people getting out were important or not. An SUV pulls up. Why does it feel like time has suspened? Why does the air feel warmer and sexier? MEGA commotion across the street. The shitteth hath hitteth the faneth!

The Jake Mobile

Pause. Did I mention only half the street was blocked off? That means there was still cars going on the other half in front of us. And not just cars, but buses. So right when all hell is breaking loose, the bus passes in front blocking my view of Jake getting out of his SUV. I came all this way and I am going to miss getting a picture of him all because of public transportation. The world is not fair. Unpause. Now my eyes are seeing Jake! He's turning towards the street! He's crossing the street!

Sex Appeal Defined!

Someone calls him, he stops and turns. I pull my sign out. When he turns back around he sorta cocked his head to the side and pointed to what I could of swore was directly my sign and smiles. And now he’s directly in front of me! Mental meltdown begins. Holy hell! This man is even more gorgeous in person if it is even possible. He looks great in photos but they do no justice to the living, breathing, warm version of JAKE! And his eyes! Oh, his eyes! They are the absolute most perfect color of blue. Whoa, hold on! Why is he walking away from me??

Hey! Over here!

He stops a few people down and signs some autographs. To my Jake-induced cloudy knowledge he signs a few autos and takes a pic with one girl. YAAAAAAY! He is walking back towards me!! He reaches me and I blurt out, "Jake! I brought you Snickers!" while sorta trying to hand him the package. He does that big wide-eye thing he does when he is like surprised or excited, smiles and says "You brought me Snickers?! Aww".

Telling him about his Snickers. That smile was mine.

When he actually notices the pack of Snickers (which is a 6-pack, by the way) he jokingly says, "Whoa. You wouldn't happen to have any Snickers would you?" My sister is not in a stupor over this man so she has a processing brain and asks him to sign my poster. She tries to get him to use my pen but he busts out his Sharpie. She says to him, "Oh. You have your own pen." He replies, "Of course I do. I come prepared." *million watt smile* *brain officially fried*

Signing my poster.

I somehow manage to say "Jake, can I get a picture with you please?" He smiles and says, "Of course." Now my sister says he then rolled his shoulders to move his jacket sleeves up and put his arm around me. I was having an out of body experience so I can't verify this 100%. I want to say that I felt his arm around my back but I can't say for certain.

Bit of cheek action.

I tell him "Thank you!" He gives me a parting smile says "You're so welcome." and leaves my suddenly chilled side. The best way I can describe it is that it was like slowmo and warp speed at the same time. For those few precious seconds with him, time was suspended but blink and bam! it was all over. ( Video Proof? What?! He was signing more autographs and taking more pictures and I was probably a distant memory. Meanwhile, over on my end, the tears I was trying to blink back slipped out and I was shaking like mad. I had just saw, talked to, touched, gotten an autograph from AND gotten a picture with Jake FREAKIN' Gyllenhaal!!!!!!! I was in complete shock! I accomplished the almost impossible and could hardly wrap my brain around it. I am still in a state of bliss. I can hardly believe that it actually happened but now seeing the photographer photos from the event, it makes it all so real. I am one lucky son of a gun, if I do say so myself! Jake was everything I ever imagined and so much more. Gorgeous, friendly and very much a gentleman. He is one in a gazmllion and I am so honored to have crossed paths with him at all. Gyllenhaalic for life!!!

Pics I took:

The Jake "Lean and Laugh"

My signed poster. =]


Becky Heineke May 19, 2010 at 1:11 PM  

Thank you again, Monica! Fantastic re-telling!! :D

Nothing Really Matters May 19, 2010 at 1:24 PM  

Fooking awesome! Fab stalking darling!

Anonymous,  May 19, 2010 at 2:00 PM  

That's great Monica! Congratulations.
Brilliantly written account too :)
Have you seen this?

Your in it at about 0:34


Anonymous,  May 19, 2010 at 2:59 PM  

You're so welcome! I can't hardly contain telling everyone I come across that I met Jake. Oh and since it's my wallpaper, also showing them my photo evidence. =]

It's like a drug though. Thinking about maybe going to Love and Other Drugs premiere. Oh no.

Becky Heineke May 19, 2010 at 4:14 PM  

Wow, that YouTube video is amazing because it not only complements your entire story, but you have now a ridiculously complete collection of media evidence recording your encounter. I've honestly never seen anything like it. Hats off to you!

With luck like that, you should TOTALLY go to the Love and Other Drugs premiere! I'm starting to get excited about that movie. Actually, I'm excited about all these new movies. He was doing the most depressing stuff while we were doing Jake Watch...

Sam May 19, 2010 at 4:42 PM  

Congratulations Monica! And thankyou for such a great encounter account!

I think all Jake fans obssess about meeting him, but i know myself i also obssess about the fact that if i ever was lucky enough to get the chance that it may not be what i dreamed of and i'd end up disapointed. You got a dream plus much much more! I'm so happy for you!

coffeecat May 19, 2010 at 9:19 PM  

Wonderfully successful stalking, Monica - congratulations!! I almost didn't believe your story, but then I saw the media proof! Congrats again. - CC

Call Me Mo May 20, 2010 at 11:27 AM  

I'm way excited for Love and other Drugs too. Especially since he says there is a lot of basically naked him in it. Hello!

Aww yay! I just now noticed the "10 Things I Hate About You references" tag. I'm glad that was identified. =]

Thank you everyone so much for your kind words! xo

Anonymous,  May 20, 2010 at 3:52 PM  

monica that was GREAT. He was so nice to come across the street to take pics and sign autographs. Did anyone else do that?

Did he take the snickers or you still have them?

and I love the video of you and him (well among other fans)

Billie,  May 23, 2010 at 6:17 PM  

Girl, I'm so jealous xDDD
Congratz from Portugal!

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