Today in Lesser-Known Gyllenhaals: Meet Cousin Sam!

Did you know that Jake and Maggie have a secret younger brother?! Well, they don't; although The Guardian seems to think so, as that is precisely how they introduced the world to Sam.

Sam is actually Jake and Maggie's cousin, and we are talking about him today because every once in a while, it's good to take a step back, reflect, and realize that there are other Gyllenhaals besides Jake who are worthy of our good-natured ridicule.

Sam takes himself painfully seriously, combines words in ways that are baffling to people who speak English, and boasts a full head of robust, dark-brown hair. In other words, there is no question: He is a Gyllenhaal.

There is also no question that Sam wouldn't be getting any attention whatsoever were it not for his last name, for he also exhibits that final piece of the Gyllenhaal puzzle: unyielding mediocrity.

The following video was on YouTube for months with roughly zero hits (I can attest, as I ran across Sam's channel when creating the ISJ! YouTube channel and quickly dismissed this kid) until yesterday, when Yahoo! went nuts with it. Now it is rapidly approaching its 70,000th (!) view:

"I want to be a falling raindrop in the current of the river of your soul"? Oh, to be twenty and to be a Gyllenhaal...

(On a more serious level, I have a lot of respect for anyone who follows their creative ambitions and put themselves out there. I wish Sam the best of luck...and not for the first time in my life, I wish that I, too, possessed the golden ticket of famous relatives to get me international coverage that I'm probably not worthy of.)

MEANWHILE, Sam's somewhat-famous older cousin Jake was seen around town closing a drug deal or something:

And that one picture will undoubtedly interest you more than all of Sam's YouTube videos combined, which is why Jake is the famous one, the end.

Huge thank you to Kathryn for alerting me to Sam's newfound fame! :)

Anonymous, May 11, 2011 at 11:13 AM

Oh thank goodness. I'm a big Jake fan so I KNEW he didn't have a younger brother . But yesterday on Yahoo I found the article about Sam and I was like Whaaat? So thank you for clarifying this. Shame on news sources for spreading lies. Anyway, I didn't think it was possible for perfect Jake to have such an ugly kid brother.

Becky Heineke, May 11, 2011 at 1:52 PM

Well, I wouldn't exactly call Jake perfect... :) But it would be a hell of a conspiracy theory of there was a secret younger sibling running around. (Though, considering the things that people in Jake's fanbase believe, I've heard stranger theories.)

I just hope this kid isn't treated too harshly now that he's been exposed to the mainstream. He seems really earnest, but he's also very young yet. It'll be interesting to see what (if any) direction his career goes.

KD, May 12, 2011 at 2:15 AM

Ouch, Anon. Ugly kid brother? That's a little harsh; the kid's not bad looking. Better looking than the majority of the population.

But aside from that...

Great courage for exposing himself like this. CAN'T say I'll be buying his records any time soon though.

Becky Heineke, May 12, 2011 at 8:19 AM

^^^ Thank you for that, KD. Well put on all fronts. :)

(And Sam, HA!! Now you know what your name will look like in print should you ever work your way into the family! :D)

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